36 hours and counting

I'm looking across my hotel room to my made up bed at 9am. Nope. I shore didn't sleep in it. Nope, I sat on the couch at the end of it with both of my computers out and advancing every summer show I had. Toured the new house I'm renting with my gay husbands. Shopped on Amazon for my Boo. Packed. Showered. Lathered my leather still sunburned skin. Listened to Roberta Flack 4 times. Yelled at Talent careening down the hall with her London peeps. And Ichatted. What the fuck is it about London this trip that leads me to insomnia? Sure just 4 days ago i was 11 hours behind here. But that was FOUR DAYS AGO. I think this is what they call age. At one time I could globetrot without missing a beat. And while no beats where missed, my body is shore nuff tired. And nothing in particular happened in London to excite me. A flurry of French waiters in each restaurant, but I wasn't up on my game. Too sleepy. Then I get to my room and stay up all night. I NEVER stay up all night. Not even to cram in college.


SO I'm going to get on this bloody plane and knock myself out, literally, all the way to Philly.

Roots 2nd Annual Picninc this Saturday June 6th.

Holla!

T

BURNT SUGAR

I'm so black Greg Tate ain't got nuthin' on me. I am completely and utterly sunburnt. I just swore up and down that my melanin would save the day. I am sadly mistaken. I was awoken this morning, not by the sun rising over Diamond Head, not by waves lapping outside my door, but by my sheets stuck to the back of my legs. I tried to move but used the back of my arms which also stuck. Then I tried with my shoulders who, as their fellow limbs, were also stuck. The burn of sunburn. I've been sunburned before, hell i'm from Sacramento. I remember 109 degree summers. It's starts on my little rosy cheeks and then maybe my shoulders. But my back and my BOOTY? Lord have mercy even my BOOTY is sunburned.

But it was for a good cause.

I rode a 7 foot wave. Oh yes, I did (said wave photo not included). I rode it looong and haard. I didn't falter, fall, succumb, nothin! I rode that muthfucka til ITS wheels fell off. OH hells yeah. And then I did it again.

I put in 4 days in a row of long hard surfing. And just when I thought I was good and could take day 5 by storm? Sheets stuck on the back of my ass. Walking in the sun actually hurt. I'm Indian black. Which I don't mind. I just hate that I hurt whenever people touch me. That's some white shit man! First surfing, then the Fat Boys break up, now this.

However, I stayed in the best hotel EVER. The Waikiki Grand hotel. 1 block from the beach. I can see the break I surf from my lanai. And did I mention the best part? It's GAY FRIENDLY. And did I mention the next best part? You know how hotel bars are usually poppin'? Well this one was poppin' and it's a GAY BAR. They showed Donna Summer and Jody Watley videos, excerpts from gay themed movies like "Mambo Italiano" and "the Bird Cage" and anything John Waters. They had a male reveiw Thursday through Saturday nights. AND, did I mention the 3rd best thing EVER? Besides the kitchenette I had in my cute condo, I cooked for me and my girl who rolled out on a humbug from NYC. So we had bacon, eggs, croissants, coffee and guava nectar all on the lanai....Roberta Flack crooning from the IPOD, and what do I see rolling down Kalakaua Blvd? A GAY PRIDE PARADE!!!!

Can you imagine what the bar was going to be like AFTER the party? Child, we ate and ran to the bar for $2.00 bloody mary's and all the topless boys you can see. The lesbians were friendly. I told the first ones we were straight and they stopped talking to us. But the next few gals were cool as cucumbers. Found out all of the great house music hangs, concerts in the park, that 70% of the military was gay - "don't ask DO tell"....it was amazing.

All before 11:45am.

That's when I headed out for the surf.

By the time I came back, I was a chocolatey new sensation. Amazing. So I thought.

Til this morning. Now I'm happy to leave this island.

That and my Surf Boo's daughter got really ill so I didn't get to have that final romantic evening I wanted. Such is life when dating dudes with kids. I had to really think about that. Do I want to date someone with kids? And I do. By the time my old ass has a baby I want them to already have siblings. Plus I like guys who have kids already, and are actually apart of their lives and take care of them. If only they can make room for newness in their lives and no baby mama drama I'm all in. Hell, I'm still friends with my ex boyfriends ex wife, so anything is possible.

Oh Honolulu....I'll be back in 2 weeks. With some 87 proof sun block.  Surf boys are still CRAZY fine.

good vs evil

I had a boyfriend once (bada ba). No seriously. And I wanted to make it work. He wanted to make it work. We argued about things that each of us thought we were completely right about. He became mean. Then me, the Leo, became meaner. He became rude. Then me, the Leo, became overly truthful. He withheld the only thing that he could, the Leo became emasculating. There was nothing he could say to shut me down. I had a million come backs. And while I possibly was right, he was possibly right. The only difference was that - yes, maybe I was a little smarter and yes I had many more experiences than he. Was it necessary for me to blow his entire ego? Was it necessary for me to tear him down just because...I don't know, I could?
I was not meek, I was not humble, I was not gracious. I was not Christ-like, I was not civil and I was not kind. I was a bully.

When you treat somebody bad, even if you're right, because you can....you are wrong. You are a bully.
There is no love in that.

Stop being a bully.

The No Alcohol on Ground Rule

Why is it that first class can offer champagne but not liquor? Here I am, all geared up and ready to go on my trip to Aruba, my token Bloody Mary in hand (imaginary) and lo and behold, I can't gets no liquor. So I must blog to force myself awake as I will shorely fall asleep before take off.

So Idol. My 2 favorite people were Fergie (of course) That blue on her was SLAMMING....I mean COME ON....fuck Perez Hilton. He can't say shit about that. Bitch looked banging.

And then there was the creme de la creme....Queen Latifah...the off the shoulder cat suit JUMP OFF...AND the french roll? JUICY....so very juicy it's crazy. I don't want her to lose no more weight though.

What a week. I'm glad the Peas are off to London and out of my hair...momentarily. I'm glad to be on a plane with Estelle going to Aruba, never been.

And I'm glad that I'll be going to Hawaii next week. I will continue. Flights bouncing. Somebody find me that Queen Latifah flick!

WIGGER BEAST

I believe that I am the lost link to Wiggers. Like I'm the diplomat to deliver true wiggers into their constitution by freeing them of their white guilt. Does this mean I'm some sort of white girl, or white girl lover? I pride myself on having mad issues with white girls actually. Like, I think I hung with them for a time to get back at them for making me get perms and hating myself. Then I decided that I liked beer and white people always have beer. Then they started taking me skiing, hiking and surfing, Tijuana and Tahoe, and had pools and shit. AND THEN their men had crazy fetishes that defied all my self hate and, frankly, alright with me. So now, GTG is ....well, a safe haven of wiggerdom. Have wigger will travel. Why, I believe I've created a wigger BEAST, if you will. African American Culture Studying, Trustafarian having, Soloman and Sheba loving, no shoe wearing, dog on the mouth kissing, Too Short in the summertime listening ass white folks.

Oh white people....yawl slay me.

Here are the top wiggers of all time:
Kid Rock
Hall and Oates
Robin Thicke
Teena Marie
All of the Doobie Brothers
Bill Maher
Mena Suvari
All White boys with dreads
Bill Maher
The Kardashians
Michael Rappaport
Dinah Shore (NOTORIOUS Passer)
Quentin Tarantino
Coco
Justin Timberlake
Adam Samberg and generally all Jewish boys from Brooklyn or the Bay Area


and our very own Authentic Police officer, Sarah Stinski

Special shot out to all Italian men all over the world!!!!

High School Musical vs College Hill

To all of my dear white girlfriends who are caught up with these black boys. I understand it's different. Hell I'm a fan of interracial co-mingling. I think it makes the human race stronger. And I get that white girls are cooler and "less drama" than black girls...what with the emasculating thing and all. But really, how far are you gonna fall back? What does that require? My homeboy told me that his girl "rewards him for bad behavior". I can get down with that. At least he knows he's a douche. My problem is any woman feeling bad about herself over something some headtripper told her. I'm being racist. I've had my feelings hurt by a couple of white boys, so who the fuck am I to say. But some of the bullshit I hear? Be some black nigga 101. Yes I said it. That Goldy pimp ass shit that niggas take straight from movies and say to any one who will listen. Don't get me wrong, white girls ain't stupid. PUHLEASE, some of the BEST pimptresses is some white girls. I take note. But to my youngsters who do all that talking and shit, yawl need to get up on some black nigga game. Stop watching High School Musical and get with some College Hill. GET UP ON YOUR NIGGA GAME. You should not be sad and feeling no kinda way...bout nothing.

Overrated Fabulous

I am so sick of the word "fabulous". Talk about an over used adjective. It's ridiculous. All of these fashion reality shows are driving me crazy. I've also been sitting on a couch for 2 weeks watching every single show there is. I hate recovery. I am so blessed to BE recovering, but my goodness. Talk about hating to keep still. It's driving me insane, to tell you the truth.

I've had many many visitors and lots of love and I'm thrilled. If there ever was a doubt I had about friends and family, I should be slapped in the mouth. My friends have held me DOWN. It's amazing. My employees are the best. I love everyone and I've stopped taking that narcotic Anna Mae!

The surgery I had is called an Abdominal Myomectomy. http://www.myomectomy.net/abdominal_myomectomy.htm

It's the new black apparently. There is such a large population of women with fibroids it's frightening. Also, my doctor acted like this was as regular as filling a gas tank up. I was out of the hospital in 2 days. I had a lovely morphine drip, perkoset AND vicodin. I hate vicodin. Narcotics stop you up like no body's business. Even as I've stopped taking them, it's driving me bananas.

I also never realized what muscles you use with your stomach. EVERYTHING it seems, with the exception of eye blinking, is affected by my stomach muscles. Laughing, crossing your legs, standing up, sitting down, rolling over. Haven't been able to put on my underwear without help still. I have long legs. Coughing. And the number one thing that would possibly take me out of here, is sneezing. Je-Sus. Lord have mercy. I sneezed and blacked out the pain was so bad. Diebel had to tell me I was okay. I thought everything ripped.

In any event, I love my friends. I love being alive. I'm thankful. So very thankful. A little bummed at the no surf and no sex for a month thing...and it really should be 6 weeks. But, at least I won't have those painful cycles each month.