SEXUAL PRIME

My hormones are going retardo.
I'm having hot flashes.
I'm hungry then not hungry.
And I'm horny beyond belief. I feel like the Good Werewolf who hides himself from the moon so as not to hurt any of his loved ones. I am said Werewolf and Lord knows I'm trying so hard not to hurt no body.
I am having a procedure which requires hospital stay and...well, a waiting period on the humps. So I'm on t minus 3 days til show time and I'm scrambling. I have nerve enough to be choosy. And then, the worst part is that I do sort of act like a dude about the whole thing. Call exes, maybe. Act like they are smart and I'm interested in their new relationships. When really, I'm waiting for them to cry into my arms in search of understanding. Sigh. It's a sickness I think. I'm being much easier on myself than I am on dudes who act the same way. I'm being a selfish conniving cunt and it's all because I'm thinking with me cl*t.

There, I said it. I feel so free.

How NOT to fuck a B Boy

Funny thing about these youngins, and as I've said before, Cougars are made, is that they are persistent little fucks. Just when you clear one "end of the tour" fling with a modest kiss, you go to the next tour and it's the "last show" there too. Mix up the White House and possible Obama sightings, a hot ex who it's better not to fuck, another ex who's a douche bag, and a few bowling games and you've got the perfect scenario to go ahead and get with the 27 year old who's pined after you for so long. Like a reward for holding out. Okay, maybe I'm just pmsing and looking for any reason to get laid. He is cute, but I mean, i've already fucked one person on this particular tour...and while it was a "thing" (or so I thought) and this one wouldn't be, it just seems too risky. Too risky to what? Whom? no one. My psyche and the possibility that tomorrow morning he looks at me weird and I'll have to slap the dogshit out of him on the White House lawn.
Let me resort to my fail safe... Pornhub. That way I can shake the alcohol and the exes all in in one.

New boy doesn't have a chance.

I THINK WE'RE IN TROUBLE

Boss man saw our little practical joke on the daysheet today. I don't know if it went over well. But I hear I'm not fired, so...I'll just prepare for Drake's retaliation.....keep posted.

CHANGE

I am so sorry for lagging. I have had many exciting adventures that I wanted to blog about but didn't.

Quickly - First Black Eyed Peas show during miami Winter Music Conference. It was bananas. First time seeing old flame. Fuck head. Sitll a fucking douche. Hung out with my beautiful Venezuelan friend who played the perfect quasi-boyfriend. To a T. I need to hire him for outings more often. Great arm candy and smart to boot? Love him. Hung out at Diddy's mansion on star island with the fantastic Miss dream hampton. Fucked a 23 year old cutey patootey....and then made it to Vegas for the Weezy show. I was loving life for 60 hours. LOVING IT.

Lost a mint in Vegas. Fucking Vegas. Fuck Vegas. I hate Vegas.

Got home and all my friends got great seats in LA for a crazy ass LA concert. Jesus, tickets in LA are a beast. A BEAST I tell you. Your whole day is consumed with it. It's amazing. My best home boy brought his "girl". The one who rewards him for his bad behavior -- his quote. Asshole. Love him to death.

Then....went and did a show in hometown, Sacramento. Awesome. Saw my old cheerleader homies. It's amazing how many people become building security guards, right? They are usually fat too. I dunno, just something I noticed.

I got a day home with the grandparents and mommy... my grandma and grandpa love to fuss at each other. They are so funny. I love them.

Then, I played hookie from the Portland show and went straight to Honolulu.
Oh Honolulu. My honoluluan picked me up and it was on and POPPIN. DAMN my surfing got better. I mean, Waikiki has slow rolling waves. Anyone can stand up on them. But it felt good after all the trials in Cali on the cold ass water to have my ass out in warm water standing up. I need to bend my legs better. But whatthefuckever! I can surf! I can surf!

And the hanging out with the Honoluluan....wow. I have never met a more promising man in all of my life. But I can't get into all that....just know that if a nigga comes at you talking about "sacrifice", that's the mothafucka to be down with. Whew. I was so depressed when I left Honolulu, I did what any good independent woman does....I started a fight, cursed him out and broke up with him.

Ahhhhh, some things never change.......

OUR IRISH HERITAGE

For St. Patty's day, and the first night of the 2nd leg of the Wayne tour - new set, new costumes, new songs - we bought everyone Guinness Stout. Corny, yes I know. Country boys don't like Guinness. Turns out, since it's all we had, they drank the shit out of that beer.

We started in the management office. Planning, drinking, talking shit, drinking, learning rules of Euro travel, drinking, and the manager and his assistant started having a tete-a-tete here and there. No biggie.

Party moves to my room. I had a good one. Top floor, corner, view , must be shared.

So we started the party. We had port...cheap port, but it was something. Patron. Guinness. Gross combo, right? Indeed. The managers carry their tete-a-tete to the room and a fight ensues. I mean punches thrown, coffee tables moved, pillows knocling the fuck out of people, glasses flying through the air. And the laughter. Oh the laughter. So much laughter. There is nothing better than a fight at a party in my eyes. It's only natural. I mean, good music, free drank, and some bows being thrown? Puhlease. Pass me a cigarette and some dick after that one. I wish I could figure out how to post video.

And it wasn't the only fight! Oh no, there was more. Our pole dancer, as most professional pole dancers, is a gymnast or something. She is VERY strong. Serena-esque. One of the guys embarrassed her or made her mad in some way. In an instant, she ran across the floor and slid into dude. Grabbed his legs with hers and took him down to the floor. Before he could think about what she'd done, she flipped her body, dismantling him altogether and dropped that nigga on his back. She counted out to 3. He was done. She then ran to the couch and pouted. As if to say "See! Why you make me do that!"

It was amazing. I've now found what my new goal is. Wrestling. As if I needed anything else to emasculate a muthafucka.

Just goes to show you what a little Guinness will do. It's amazing. The Irish are drunk by proxy. Like any other enslaved people. We have so much in common. Happy St. Patty's Day to all my Irish Niggas!

FEMINISTS AND DOMINATION = Real or Sport?

Today I visited the Hollywood Flea Market, my first time amazingly, and there were feminists shouting through a loud speaker about how we need to take down mysogynistic regimes, educate those about Imperialism and it's inherent sexism, and how women are constantly dominated even still in 2009. It was then that I realized....who on Earth could possibly dominate me? I said to my girl, "I wish somebody WOULD dominate me! Who will do that? Who will try? Who won't run away with their tales between their legs." She promptly responded, "you want to be dominated recreationally. Feminists are talking about men subjugating women mentally, physically with money and power." I figure we need to have a meeting of the minds. Women who get dominated, and women who want to be. How do you think and how do we think? I don't mean judge, I mean, really, what is it about you that turns men on? Is it that you just don't say ANYTHING? And then I thought, is that what it takes to be dominated or even married. And then I thought....fuck marriage.
Which is what I've been thinking a lot lately. Particularly since the men who actually "see" me as of late have been 11 years my junior or married.

And those married men. They are the most painful. I had someone tell me today that I would have restrictions in this relationship just as does. As if they were the same. Me traveling for a living. He having a 9 to 5, wife and many, many children. He explained to me that I will have trouble having a relationship with ANYONE until I figure out where I am going to locate and what I am going to do with my career. As if just having this career wasn't enough. He said that unless the man I am going to be with is on the road with me, it will be impossible to have a relationship. Why thank you Lord Man. I guess that would be domination and I guess my response would be why I ain't married.

I know people who have long distance relationships. They work for awhile and then people decide to move to either side of the country, whichever state, etc. The fact that he equated a long distance relationship to an affair bothered the dog shit out of me. What fucking nerve. And since I'm working on my "please-dominate-me" skills - one being, watch what you say, I kindly stated that those two were not equal. The question of relocating vs cheating were two totally different things. One is the drama you may look forward to while the other was a detriment to my soul. "Oh, I understand. I think it's a bit presumptuous for you to think I have some sort of expectation of you when this is pretty impossible." Really nigga? Duh. I guess it sounded better coming out of his mouth.

Fucking annoying.

I still wish somebody COULD dominate me. I would like them to at least try. I would like them to nevermind what I do for a living, someone who isn't married, I mean, and honestly assess relationship versus power play.

And they ALL do it. They do. It's in them. They can't help themselves. I asked my best friend to be a sperm donor for me and all of a sudden I had to move to another state. Maybe that was an attempt at domination and I shut it down? Hmmm.

Okay, my girl is right. I want recreational domination.

You know them black women.......

That black dudes say, yawl is loud and emasculating and ghetto and THATS why we date white women????

Well, they all work for Cash Money/Universal Group.

I have never met a group of more territorial (except maybe me circa 01) women in all of my life! Rifrickendiculous.

It's hilarious to me how people cannot adjust to change when change is absolutely fundamental for growth. Oh yeah, niggas don't like growth.