i Should be Blackberry's spokesmodel

No, for real. I go through 4 phones a year. I drop them at least 3 times a day and I throw them at least 3 times a week at my mental hologram assistants. Of course they're not there! I'm no Naomi Campbell, though I can't exactly say I disagree with her tirades. You don't know what that assistant did or didn't do prior to that phone sailing through the air! Don't even get me started!

In any event, I have the new Verizon Tour! I'm amazed that I'm typing from my bunk on the telephone. Crazy groovy. My ass needs to be asleep. The girls were jabbering so. I hate all girl buses. I need some niggas on here soon lest I lose my mind with talk of hair curling, eye lash application, and who I wish I could fuck. Wishing you could fuck is so....eww, desperate. Just be a stalker! Like me! Either you fuck that nigga or you don't and get over it.
That's why I had to break it off with Jeff.

Ok. I'm seriously delirious.

Good night.

Niggapalooza Does It Again

I got hit 3 times tonight. Not by all of the giant bodyguard negroes that were there, no blonde, 6'0 tall, cheery white boys skipping down the aisles cups filled with beer a'plenty, thrilled beyond belief to be at the "Young Money Presents: America's Most Wanted Music Festival". MTV, Rollingstone and Spin covered tonight. Ticket counts are unbelievable. Rows and rows of happy go lucky Wayne Concert goers.

It looked like people were having a great time. We put a good show together. I was stressed but I suppose not as much as I have been before. I flushed it all out over the weekend. It's not over yet, but it should be getting smoother. Tomorrow is a day off and I have to spend the whole day finishing Peas stuff. I should try to get a good nights sleep.

OH YEAH, I had to go to the dentist today. So I get my crown covered, and get 2 teeth filled. Took me 3 shots to get numb. Retarded. I was annoyed, but entertained by the hot George Hamilton dentist who slightly peeved me out. I had no where to go but to listen to his advances which were so forward, I could have thrown up. But he could have been slightly cute and great to hang with had he not been so forward. I mean damn. I know my skin is chocolatey smooth but SHIT. Stop rubbing on me. Wowzers.

I must nap now. I have to break news.

I Think I've Given Up Jeff Goldblum

After waking up to put out a fire that never existed, I turn on the tv to watch CNN. Regular. One thing you can watch consistently each Sunday and in any hotel in America is CNN.

What I DIDN'T notice, was CNN Sunday morning anchor, TJ Holmes. That brother is fine! I wonder is he would be adverse to surfing? He is my new focus.

My farewell dinner last week with 3 friends was at Aqua Lounge. Jeff Goldblum, my Boo, was performing. After his set he came up to me and gave me a kiss and hug, told me how great the Roots were and how much they loved me. Then he walked away and I noticed something. That ass from the Fly and Independence Day? No where to be found. I don't even think he had on typical skinny jeans - but that didn't matter. He's so skinny. And maybe I've slightly fallen out of love with him. It's so sad. An end of an era.

Mother Goose .....On the Road Again

We've begun the America's Most Wanted Tour. I've got to tell you. Running a business is hard work. The more employees you acquire the more management has to be done. My business was at a near collapse this past month. Issues like commitment, loyalty and trust have been tested at an all time high. Training men and women are very different. Women cry, which is disturbing and men placate. The ush. Both are much more irritating than simply saying "okay". I must re-evaluate hiring young people. And by young I mean under 30. I don't have time for the growing pains. And it's my fault. I like to be teacher, auntie, sister, mother. I'm everyone's friend and so everyone is WAY TOO COMFORTABLE. It has been an issue of mine for years actually. To the point that no one even knows I'm disappointed until I flip out because they'd never think it was their bad. Far be it for anyone to think that.

In any event, I've managed to move out of my place, secure another, and go on tour without a heart attack. Something, however, has got to give. I have a slew of new employees in my stead just waiting to pop out in case these others cannot get the "entitled" bug out of their system. There is a recession. I like the older, self-assured, decisive, mothers who I've hired who know that they have to pay bills and can just knock the shit out and say thank you at the end of the day instead of dragging my nipples to the floor.

Jet Lag

Been up since 330am.
Trying to get a head start on these tours.

So sad to be back. Really focusing on how to make enough to be able to sit there during the summer. And then I wonder if my ship has sailed to do so. It was amazing.

The black girls there...well. Weird. I dunno how to feel about that and the perception. I'm still processing.

I know I have tons of boxes in my house and I actually am ready to move INTO a place. I feel like maybe now isn't the time for my roommate event. It's taking some time and while I'm not really into stressing about ha ing a place or caring to stay anywhere real until November 8th, suddenly, I'm ready to move into a place tomorrow. Or today as it where. I've been on Craigslist the last few hours.

I dunno. My life is overwhelming all over again. I have to run away from it just to get some rest. And when I land back into it, it's hell.

I need breakfast. I'm starving.

Dick Fiend

In the urban dictionary, it reads that a "dick fiend" is a girl who can't see, get, suck or fuck enough dicks. I had to think about that before I labeled this blog. I've been in sexy ass France for 3 weeks ending it in the MOST sexy of sexy towns...well, let me rephrase. This town is so fucking obnoxious it makes Miami look like Disneyland. And as much as I love France, i too know that these motherfuckers are full of shit. Trust. I could be blinded by the wine, but for what. They ain't shit no more than the average fucker on Rodeo drive. However, St. Tropez is still sexy as a muthafucka. Not to mention I've been staying in a small village on a hill called Ramatuelle and THAT shit was beyond sexy. And now i'm in a hotel, L'ermitage. All old and classic and in the French spirit, but it isn't complete yet. "Andre" designed the rooms and it's going to be beautiful. GOING to be. But they are under crazy construction and there are about 3 people in this hotel with everyone running around helping us. Hand and foot. So as I sit on the terrasse on the side of the hill overlooking the port of St. Tropez and listening to the Ipod and Ipod Bose speakers I provided for the bar, I'm wondering this (a la Sarah Jessica Parker).

Is it possible to get some dick BEFORE I leave on Tuesday?

(And yes I had some in Paris, but that was WEEK(S) ago!)

So yeah, St. Tropez, in all of your inflated glory, what's up with the dick?

Lacanau - NO!

Gotdamn Lacanau and it's riptides. I didn't know what a riptide was until I was in it. It was very helpful swimming OUT to catch the surf, but then when I was IN the surf, it was like a washing machine and you're the drawers that get stuck on the spinner. AND those cupcake jellyfish who the locals tell me "pas mechant" , not mean? What the hell does that mean? All I know is they were EVERYWHERE. But I couldn't worry about that. I was more worried about being sucked under. Did I catch waves? I guess, yes. No yes. I caught waves. But then, I was hit by one coming from the left. There were no set sets. It was stupid and exhausting and they told me September was a better time. Ha.

AND the weather was lousy. So we left for St. Tropez where it's high 80's.

Along the way, we ran into a city called Carsaconne. It's an 11th century castle built and ruled by the Trecval Family from the Roman era. Talk about AMAZING. It was like being in Shrek. It looked like Princess Fiona's castle. And all the wonders included.
The dopest thing is this festival they have. Tonight Lenny Kravitz is playing and Seal next week. Depeche Mode was there the night before we arrived. It was truly amazing.

Now we're in a little village above St. Tropez called Ramatuelle. I was truly worried for a little while about working away from home. Then I realized I have been working a long time to get it so the world is my office. I have my two computers on my hip. Nothing is wrong in the world. I can still do daysheets. I quit a client that was causing me drama. And now I'm in St. Tropez. Will.I.Am has a party here in a couple of days, all is cool. It's nice to have my titties back out on the beach!