Thursday, May 26, 2011

Kick Rocks

boys are stupid. They do stupid stuff. They think stupidly. They respond stupid. And they pretend stupid. It's slightly disgusting. I noticed my ex's girlfriends compassion and found myself praying for that. Compassion over judgement. Its amazing!! Patience is amazing, but tolerance? Whoa. I'm not sure I know how to find that. It would come in handy however. I always ask ladies who have been married for some time how you handle that. They still haven't put it into laymans terms. If they did, I'd have a book. I think I'll rub one out and think about this some where.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

And for the 18th time......

There is really nothing in this life to do but learn. That's it. If you don't like to learn, you have a miserable life. Its funny, last night I was worried and concerned about my artist, pumping her up, giving pep talks, general managerial things when I said "Go with your gut." I was proud of myself until this morning when I replayed what I told her and realized....Bitch, when are you going to go with yours?

It gets confusing. When you trust no one. Mostly because your gut is a "danger" alarm. And while I am one of the biggest risk takers I know, trust is a ringer for me. Trust and acceptance and expectation all become a big ball of wonder. I wonder who I will ever trust and accept and have no expectation of. And granted, I'm not trying to beat up on myself for being's just, ya know...a real pain in the ass to be hit with the same lesson...for the 18th time.

Alright....brushing shoulders off. Back to taking over the world.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

I spent the weekend with my mother and I'm so happy to have done so. Living in the wake of 2 grandfather's deaths I wonder what my mom feels like. Obviously sad and sure I could ask her but why bring all of that up. I try to enjoy now. But ya know, we're all going to go. The first grandfather death for me was so very unexpected and I felt so very unconnected. Like i needed to talk to everyone who ever knew him to insure that he loved me...or thought about me. I mean he's a road me. I know that's where I got it from. I suppose I learned, in addition to why Berry Gordy ain't shit, I learned that I didn't want anyone to walk in doubt about whether or not I loved them....just because I'm a road nigga and I'm never around. It reminded me that I needed to see my mother, my cousins, my godchildren, often and always or at least contact them to let them know that even though I'm an asshole music industry person who's rarely around, I still love them.

Then my dad...the man who taught me of functionality and dependability, how to read street signs and my keen sense of direction (ask anyone. I truly have a good sense of direction), gave me my 1st, 2nd, 5th and 8th set of tools, and so much more...and who totally took my mom in when the 1st one failed at every turn....Sheesh. I don't even know where I was going with this actually. Point is, I'm sitting with my momma on mothers day trying to conserve energy in this hot ass house in Phoenix and I wouldn't trade places with anyone in the world. My momma is so good. Ask anyone.