Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Gold Coast Surfing

I officially psyched myself out. Only due to the fact that SOMEbody told me it was shark mating season. Whatever the hell that is. I thought sharks could mate any time they damn well please.
but let me start again.

Woke up ready to work and take on Australia. We don't have those fancy and efficient Japanese tour managers with us so, alas, the holiday was over. Steering clear of road booty I decide to go see a good friend of mine I met once upon a time when I was an Italian boys piece and he put me up in his Santa Monica condo. I rented out a room and found the lovely Anne. Anne happens to live in Brisbane and I went to stay at her house. The driver we're using for this run also works for the likes of the Offspring and Ben Harper. So I knew 2 Brisbanians. Lo and behold, he's taking me to my friend who happens to live on his old street. Upon arrival turns out they know each other. The only 2 people in Australia I know, who I met in LA, both live on the same street. What are the odds?

She then took me to Morgans in Scarborough, delicious fresh fish from the bay...the SAME bay that we rented a fishing boat in last time we were here for the Police tour. Crazy huh?

Had a nice normal evening in a home, in a recliner, watching tivo'd "Without A Trace".

Finally went to bed at 3am waking up to drama in Waynes World. 4 days before we depart and now everyone wants to talk and have opinions. Sheesh. But this is the life and I take it for better or for worse.

Meanwhile, Road Booty texts and complains and offers a car and I'm swearing him off cuz this is his hood, right? And he's a free spirit and Australians can fight? I may run up on the wrong bitch fucking around with him. But he offers to take me surfing.

I decline and my friend Anne takes me to the Gold Coast. Meanwhile, there's a Facebook convo about shark mating and about how I need to be careful and watch for Greyshirts and tsunamis and swells ...and oh, this is the area where shark are least populated. Anne then tells me that there were only 2 shark attacks this year in all of Australia and those odds are great.

So determined not to be a buster and get all the way to Australia with 2 wet suits, I put on my new one and get into the water...on an 8 foot board mind you. Didn't catch shit. Waves were rocky. And every shadow I saw I thought was a tiger shark (cuz that's all they have here, no great whites) or a hammerhead). These are my options. Then the lifeguard yells over the loud speaker "Surfers please paddle away from the swimming area!"....SHARKS! Where? What sharks? I'm the fuck up out of here.

And I ended my surf time in 45 minutes. I'll try again in Melbourne...Perth for sure. But NO BODY talk to me about sharks no more damnit. I don't want to hear about shark nets, great lifeguards, or NOTHING. I surf perfectly fine with no lifeguards in Malibu and I've never been freaked out the way I was today.

But my suit is sooooo cute.

Monday, September 28, 2009

LIve and Direct from Brisbane

Twitter and Facebook are taking up my blog time. Turns out I have a short attention span just like the rest of America. Therefore, I update them regularly and play out my own blog. Damn the Man!

So I've arrived into Brisbane after a 7 hour flight and an impossible connection. Niggas was late as usual, and the plane waited 30 minutes for us, only to prove to niggas that they can be late again. Though I'm so glad they waited. I did not want to check into a hotel in Sydney, only to get back up again and go to another airport. Fuck.

The show was excellent in Singapore. I mean truly. My best homie from college was there, the Peas did a fantastic show, the set was designed to the ultimate hotness, AND I got to see Beyonce do a back bend to the floor and still blow. WTF? IT was a good night. Oh, and I woke up to a tongue in my ass. I'm not sure I ever want to leave Singapore. EVER.

But I did.

And now I'm in Brisbane. And went to a wack ass strip club, though "Bubbles" and "summer" did their best to entertain us. How come the club was empty and still we went into the VIP lounge? So gay. I brought niggas to the stage to tip them girls. They've been working so hard and it's a Monday night. Niggas man. I spent all of my per diem on them girls.

Now 2 black labels and a vodka and cranberry later, I'm in my bed at the hotel. I'll post photos tomorrow of the Singapore hotel. It was amazing this. This one is cute too. Cept everyone has washers and dryers and not me. Tha fuck? I thought this shit was a suite?

Sunday, September 20, 2009


So Osaka wasn't has fun as it was when I was here last. I just realized that I desperately need to learn Japanese. I cannot stand non communication. I communicate for a living. I micro manage for crying out loud! My phone doesn't work, the ethernet cord is too short to reach my bed, the desk is locked down, there aren't any good movies on tv. The day off was almost a living hell and to top it all off, I have cramps that are so ridiculous I want to slap my doctor! I mean, why in the hell did I have a surgery to remove these gotdamn fibroids when I have the worst cramps and a horrible flow any damn way. For real. Waste of a bikini line and I'll always have to have a c-section.

But I've gotten beyond myself. My visit with my uncle Troy was too short. Gosh I love him. But we always have such good ADULT conversations. After all, he's only 10 years older than me. But Ferg was sweet to them and Taboo, as always. He's so great.

In any event, now I have to figure out how to get through this day with a smile even though I'm in pain and have no 800mg ibuprofen which I am addicted to. I have these Japanese pain killers that are doing the trick but I'm not so convinced since they aren't the size of a golf ball.

I did have Shabu Shabu for the first time last night. No one spoke english. Menus had like 4 words on it for reference, and yet the lady next to me spoke a bit and taught us how to make it work. Ahh, human decency. Thank Jesus. That's why I always help foreigners. You have to pay it forward.

I don't even think they have an H&M here. Hmmph.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

So Now apparently I have a drinking problem

When will the hating end?
Or maybe I do. Fuck it.
In the words of Nikki Minaj.....let me "step my dick up."

Thursday, September 17, 2009

"I never promised you a rose garden"

I love relationships.
They are amazing in what they uncover about people. How people respond and react. How the blueprint of their ID comes back to haunt them over and over again. Then, the Universe, plops something right in their laps to allow them to look at themselves, i.e. a TEST. And what do we choose to do? Of course we defend ourselves first. When i was tested last week, the first thing I did was say I'd rather quit than to face the challenge, or actually, face the fact that maybe I made someone feel some kind of way about me. I whooped and hollered and cursed and defended and threw out some "F" bombs, called some gang banger friends...the WORKS. Rather than holding still, and stop kicking and screaming your way through this, I had to sit and deal and RELATE. All relationships are this way. There isn't a moment where I have the luxury to say, "well this is just how it is and if you're rolling with me, then....". That's the way it is on ALL sides of a relationship. Something's got to give until it just doesn't. I have no desire to make people think the way I think. I think the way I think and if you choose to participate in my life, this is how it will be. We will work out what we can between the 2 of us. If we reach an impasse, we just do.

Early rise Tokyo

The sun is rising super fast in Tokyo this morning. I kind of wish I'd gotten up earlier to go the fish market. It was just that a creditor called me to tell me I was 19 days late on a bill. That was unnerving. In any event, I'm up now.

I also woke up because I thought I was dreaming but left my slingbox on. The news this morning was shattering.


I thought I was going to be sick. It affected all of my dreams. I woke up praying hard for this woman. I feel like I need to find her or something. Sweet Jesus, what does that mean? What is the lesson in that? God makes it tough not to question him...I don't think we're not supposed to. I think that was some Christian pastors way of shutting down his flock. I really need some answers for stuff like this, so I can cope. I can only imagine what she needs.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Hamamatstu Japan

Made it and am tired as balls.

The bad news is .... I had to set up my OWN office. JAMIIIIIIL!!!!! JEEEENNNNNNN!!!!!!

Where are they :-( ??

The good news is:
2 miles from surf action, Japan styles. AND the water is 74 degrees!


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Moving in, rolling out.

First off, Happy Birthday dream hampton!!!
September 11th is also the day my life changed. 25 year old girl en route to grad school. I get a call from my mans best friend that he was in the hospital. Turns out, he has a heart attack on the court. And he dies. Tupac, who he happens to look like, dies 2 days later. Worst thing to date I've ever gone through. In any event, shot out to Craig Antoine Price for showing me how to love.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


I dipped into the Atlantic moments after the shark went away....there was a shark call.

But it was beautiful. Great to have have the salt water on my body and even greater to have drinks to follow.

Got to the venue late. So there was no choice but for my assistants to handle. Wanted them to know that i trusted them....hmmm....hard pill to swallow.

Hoping we don't actually have a party and we can have our own at the beach...with no sharks. I'm going to will the sharks away.


Friday, September 4, 2009

It ain't all bad

I forgot. Snoop and Bootsy were at the show yesterday. Snoop asked me why I didn't get on stage when Gin and Juice was on.

Eat a Dick up until you hiccup

Sweet Jesus I'm tired.
I am tired of underlying currents. Those being, "put this bitch in her place". I'm not sure how to stomach it or accept it. My first inclination is to quit altogether. Of course that would be what they want. Or maybe I'm too big for my britches? well DUH, isn't that why i was hired?
I don't know where to go with this one. Play a nice quiet 2nd base? Who doesn't know that the 2nd baseman runs the field though? It's ridiculous! And infuriating. I have had it up to here! Oh, I think that's my cue for Queen Latifah. Who, by the way, needs to chin check Perez Hilton her own self. He gets on my fucking nerves. This video is what best describes me today. I can't take no more. Jesus deliver me.