Friday, October 5, 2012


I was born out of sacrifice. It's no wonder I thrive in it.  It's where I'm stationed.  And while I find it unfair many many times, I always return...happily, as if it's my station in life.  Always the therapist.  Even before I knew I'd get a Masters in it.  Always living near some halfway house, always donating turkeys and giving clothes to abused women shelters.  Always into that...sacrifice.  Doesn't mean I don't expect it back, some day.  Doesn't mean I don't get mad when it doesn't happen.  I am human.
Being a Martyr is for the birds.   So why choose it?  A job that takes me away from my better years....all this mouth and hootspah....oh you girls with all that'll learn.

With jobs, friends,, what in the total fuck am I doing?  My plight for finding a nice Jewish Boy is straining me.  Pretty soon I'll be visiting Fertility clinics and wondering why I didn't keep that baby at 16.  Shocking?  Please, you know you had an abortion at 16...or 17....or 20. Stop playing.

Any way, awkward pause, there are no more accidents.  Everything is a decision...thought and planned.  I've had a good run of living la vida it's time to live la vida calculated loca.

And so now I choose to love.  Love those that are close to me just cuz they need a little extra loving.  Love them because they are  good and fragile and need more people, to love them with all their faults - as I need, as we all do.  I don't know what that means. But I'm tired of feeling stupid about it.  I will love for all of my life, mostly now when it's needed the most.  
I think Leos stick with the feelings we can't control because we love the challenge of pain....what with our oh so decadent life.  
Full of sacrifice.  
Love is sacrifice.  It's kinda crazy, mostly stupid, definitely irrational.  What're ya gonna do?

Insert country music (this weeks selection "Pistol Annies")

This is when the I create a bigger company with more people and more jobs and more help and more clients and more.....headaches? And I pass it all to my beautiful niece who quite possibly has more steam than I....and trade this career off for the next one which requires more ambition and more sacrifice but probably a steadier home life...which I forgot about with all of my ambition over these last years in the entertainment industry.  

But alas, "Martyrdom does not end something, it only a beginning."
Indira Gandhi