Monday, February 23, 2015


My sisters my sisters. Almost 3 decades of visiting this continent and one can lay a short cut.  Oh they can do extensions....eyelashes, skin dye....but short hair?  Edges?  May as well be the lost city of Atlantis.

Sounds to ME like a prime opportunity for someone to get to Germany and be the go to short hair layer.  That's just what I'm thinking.

Meanwhile...I'mma go in this girls shop with her broken hairdryer and some barber strips and see what I can do until I get to Amsterdam.....le sigh.....  come on sistas! We gotta do better!  (btw...I hate the word "sista/sistah" spelled out.  It sounds so , like, white...)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

No sleep til......East London

I'm Sleepy!

I can't do these go out at 1am nights!!  Cept I did.  And I have.  And why is London so gotdamn fun sometimes?


5:30 am - arrival to London
6:27 am - check in 3 busses/sort luggage
6:30 am - breakfast begins. Perfect!
6:35 am - breakfast not include fuck it I'll order the chorizo AND the pancakes AND grapefruit juice AND coffee = 35 GBP
7:30am - night night time.  Shades are drawn.  Wait is that Hyde Park outside my window?  So what. I'm sleepy.
2:00pm - draw the shades...because you HAVE to do something in London
3:00pm - Top Shop. Urban outfitters. Is that a Whole Foods across the street?  Wait, when did London get a Whole Foods?
5:00 pm - Wagamama.... it used to be so good....damnit Korean've ruined me!
6:30pm - cab to Prince of Wales Theater
7:27pm - someone comes out with a returned ticket (cuz we needed a 3rd). SCORE!  100 GBP on a front row seat.  I LOVE THE THEATER!!!
8:40pm - intermission.....laughing my ass of over how brilliant The Book of Mormon is and how I should have made that Matt Stone shit happen.  Slept.
10:00 pm - back to the hotel for 3 course dinner.  Underwhelming. But the Oban was popping.
11:30pm - work out
12:15am - that was stupid.
12:30am - head out to the Wellesley.  Turns out they have a humidor that rivals the Havana Room, Beverly Hills.  What the hell do I know?  They have a patio so my hair don't get funked up.
1:00am - I'm learning words like Behike.  I don't know what that means I just know I don't have the Pounds to pay for it.
2:30 am - I almost won the white ash contest.... Italian Margaritas, some cognac that happens to go with the Behike.
3:30am - next door hotel club.  So corny.  But ...I mean it was connected to the hotel, what do you want from meeeee?????
4:30 am - drag my ass into the hotel.....time to get my GOOD Skype on.
5:30 am - drooling.....

That was Thursday

LAST NIGHT.... I was only at the BEST SHOW.... okay, I don't know if it was the best yet....D and I still can't decide if it's Berlin or this one.  I have to believe it has to do with having a curfew.  He definitely came ready to give it to London...and he did IN FACT give it to London.  The audience was so happy, did not sit down and partied so hard.... infectious.  However...Berlin....oh Berlin.....I think that show was damn near 3 hours.... I'm a sucker for a 3 hour show. Clearly.

After party was supposed to happen, but after the VIP bar, and the long long wait for everyone to get their "act right".... I was catching up on my ABC Thursday Night line up and drooling by 3am....when they decided to go to the next club..... I'll get you back tonight LONDON!!! I'll get you yet!

Friday, February 20, 2015

Mes Deux Amours

Whenever the Paris portion of the tour takes place people stand back.  They already know.  Ask Tina questions now, on this bus, in this airport, on this train - because once you get your hotel keys, I AM OUT!  People experienced the wake of my dust shortly after making sure the "suite" was actually a suite and my 30 hours in Paris wouldn't be cut short by finding a better hotel.

We started at Mama Shelter.  The only place in town with an actual brunch that goes until 4:30pm.  Do you see the conundrum.  I'm in Paris.  I'm eating AFTER 2:30 during the no FOOD zone - you may get a crepe or a moule from a chain restaurant but mostly you're dealing with coldcuts and cheese until dinner time.  And dinner on SUNDAY??? Could not start until 7pm.
2nd part of this conundrum....I said "brunch".  In my almost 3 decades of visiting my 2nd country, the concept of brunch has NEVER existed.  Like cranberry juice didn't exist in the 90's? Neither did brunch until good old Mama Shelter in the far away yet so good, next to Pere Lachaise where you can grab a beer and a joint and hang out at Jim Morrison's grave with the rest of the hippies.  MAMA SHELTER has internet and pancakes and crepes and crispy bacon and Mimosas and horribly bloody marys but at least they try, and MUSIC....all the music I go on the road with.  Every song has Ahmir or Pino or even D playing in the background.

After this we hung at a Sunday tea party of sorts at this African marketplace called Le Comptoir.  Apparently Africans are now all the rage because the only ones there worked there.  To be en vogue.  Needless to say we moved on to the next spot....that I can't remember the name of, but I think they were Caribbean and West Africanish.  Whatevs.  The wings, plaintains and caiprinhas were banging.  The toilette was gross but what else is new in Paris.

We then wandered into some small bar that I want to replicate on Crenshaw or maybe on Jefferson just off of Crenshaw.  Max 50 people.  Cutest thing you've ever seen where we got hit on by a first generation Chinese girl with possibly the worst English EVER but had THE most fun singing all songs (all American of course) wish she and her friends.   We were crashing someones going away party...but they served Hibiki and so....ya know.  We had to stay.

The next morning I had to jump up for my traditional hair appointment at Polished Hair Care.  This gem of a spot is operated by Richmond, CA own Nicole Pembrook so you KNOW my edges are straight.   That's my problem out here.  Black hair care is so new.  My poor sistren been running around with half done weaves, dried out perms and fuzzy edges.  Edges STAY fuzzy.  Thank God Michelle Obama has shed some light on what an edge truly is.  I now have a reference when interviewing these hairdressers.  It's not a game this relaxed life out here on the road.  Not. A. Game.

After dipping from her shop in the thick of the Champs Elysees, I jump on the metro to head to my eyeglass spot who's name I can NEVER remember in Le Marais.  Except this time I get lost.  I get so entangled in the Marais that I NEVER find my shop, I did however find a cute and marginally expensive store called "Swildens" where the shopkeeper spoke to me in French , did not try to shade my French and we had a lovely hour of trying on clothes, getting directions and contacting my bank to get my card unblocked.  Pure communication.

After which I rushed back to the hotel to set up for the massive Palais des Congres where I met my juicy adorable Parisienne Niece who has never been to a big show.  She was so excited and so sweet my heart melts whenever I visit my Neela Vanilla.

Followed by the man who will forever call me his "future ex wife" yasin Bey.  Hilarity at its finest.  He brought the likes of Michelle Lamy - Rick Owens' wife who ROCKS it at 70..... I just love older women and younger men.  Go figure.

Followed by a FANTASTIC show filled with all the drama of going onstage late, needing to cut 2 songs and avoiding a 10k penalty if the clock strikes 11:01pm....Damned if he didn't end at 10:59:45.  Seriously.  I shouted like we won the lotto.  Because we did.

How does one fit all of that into 30 hours you ask?  Chiiiiile, I can't wait til my day off in London.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Demain sera un jour meilleur

My aunts read this so I couldn't title this the way I wanted.  And I need to get up in 6 hours for my hair appointment on the Champs Elysees....shot out to Nicole Pembrook ..Richmond, VA doing it in Paris!!!  Anyway.....

There are are some things, gentlemen, or whatever you call yourselves these day, that make my pussy completely dry up.  Seriously who wants to beat a dead horse about how chivalry is lost and equality and blah blah blah....but if you want me to not emasculate you, could you please not do emasculating things?  Jesus Christ.  Doors, hail a cab, take care of the tab, pick up your condom after yourself.  Pretty simple right?  I'm hailing cabs at 2:30 in the morning in Paris.  Come on now.

And if your situation has changed.... don't hit me up about what your baby mama can do.  Love you but let's just say its the end of an era.

I swore I wouldn't write this.
Swore that if I didn't have anything nice to say I would say nothing at all.

Ah bien.

Demain sera un jour meilleur.

Friday, February 13, 2015


Two weeks of consistent working has caught up to me.  After what seemed like 30 Halsschmerzdragees to clear my weary painful baby throat, a shot of jager and some nyquil, I thought surely I'd wake up in Berlin ready to take on the world and my favorite to take away the pain of the day.... If you haven't been to Liquid Room in Berlin, you do not know what you are missing. hot slutty coed spas are right up my alley. So.  I said it.

Now sometimes tours are cushy and sometimes they are hard core.  This one is right in between.  Reigniting a project isn't always flashing lights and 5 star amenities.  We have a lot of experienced people on this tour who are "accustomed" to a certain way of bougie ass being the ring leader.  However we take it for the team....because we love love LOVE this music and the talent that pushes said music.  So we take an "L" here and there on hotels.  And I must say, the L was took this morning.  After finding boss man a new place, and I don't blame him, my nyquil decided that 1:15pm was the perfect time to take it's toll on my body.  And I mean I was DROOLING.  I kept waking up on the hour reminding myself of the hot dirty slut spa I wanted to go to...but to no avail.  My immune system kicked my Goodtime Girl ideology out the window and I had to settle for TK Maxx (yes I said "TK") and a few hands of blackjack at my favorite Berlin casino.  All them old daddies telling me what to do and how to play by German rules was just what I needed to take it to the NEXT outing.... 

Not to be IS Berlin Film Festival weekend and I DO have my platform suede thigh high boots....we had to pop bottles some where....somewhere CLOSED when we arrived.  Who has a club that is closed on Friday?  You tell me.  Back to the hotel we go where I found a Cuban friend to speak my cute broken Spanish with and then off to the Billiard Hall/Casino.  My dream place.  If I could build one of these on Crenshaw....let me tell you.  Billiards, Cards, slot machines , DARTS, electronic BOARD GAMES....AND 80's musica???  Are you fucking kidding me?  Chris Dave and them had to drag my interpretive dancing ass out of there at 3:24am.  And here I sit....still on the computer...wondering how to make tomorrow night half as good as tonight.  

Oh yeah...we have a show.

Til tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

New Era Touring

Wow.....I have not blogged in a Coons Age (which is 8 years btw so I'm exaggerating.  I just like the word 'Coon') I have not blogged in a Coons Age and as sleepy as I am I HAD to blog tonight.  Just like I do in the beginning of all tours....and pray I don't fall off.

Day #1 of D'Angelo's "The Second Coming" European Tour.

Fresh from producing the party of the season....the Roots Jam Series in Los Angeles - 4 nights of live music featuring everyone from Miguel and YG to Marsha Ambrosious, T.I. and Kool and the Gang! Definitely the highlight of my career.

Then simultaneously fresh from co-producing the charity event of the season, Will.I.Am's I.Am.Angel Foundation Gala....

I had the NERVE to stop off in Harlem because D had the nerve to have a show there before we went on this tour.... and then....didn't sleep on the plane over.  I had the nerve to watch all of House of Lies, This is Where I Leave You and No Good Deed.

You would think I'd take my ass to bed on an arrival day in a foreign country right?  Since I'm tour managing, handling wardrobe, passing out tour books, handing out credentials and sweet talking folks with soon to be expired passports into countries who have rules against such....I SHOULD be going to bed.... right?

Wrong....flying over the Alps .... and they was calling me.... like the bottom of a 99 cent store box of Baking Soda to a feening crackhead in recovery.  I had to go.  So I grabbed the only people crazy as me and we hightailed it to Flumserberg for an hour of rip roaring, ass busting, head thumping, ice down my drawers having fun.

And then we did a show on D's birthday.  This show is long and great and NEW.  So that means it can ONLY GET BETTER...and it's wearing me out now.  Can't give you anything.  You just gotta come and see.  GOT TO.  I can't wait for Paris/London....this shit will be FIRE.

Now I shall retire and try to block out the sounds of CONSTRUCTION WORKERS at 2:33am outside my window....and my next door neighbor apparently throwing it DOWN like bang bus.  Damn, remember Bang Bus? I'm old.  SMDH.

You still have time Europe!!


end of work day