RED LIGHT SPECIAL

Dear Amsterdam,

Why must you always feel like home?  You are the point of the tour where everyone breathes.  You are where I know of the best laundry mats.  And while your Argentine steak houses are redundant, we've been able to find that ONE where only locals go.  The Italian restaurants know us by name.  We have the nerve to have our favorite smoke shop.

What?  A new one?  Indeed.  I'm there!  Amnesia....is a jewel on the Herengracht.  This uppity ass neighborhood where the walk ups are on fleek and everyone has all they damn windows open like I ain't supposed to look.  High ceilings and moldings and shit.  Think Montana Ave in Santa Monica.  Not Beverly Hills uppity, but them heiphas ain't got no jobs neither.  Which is probably why I found my NEW naked spa, Sauna Deco there.  Because jobless heiphas can take baths in public.

Favorite new fantastic store Kiki Niesten - this eccentric woman who's collected clothing for over 30 years.  She removes the label and sells the item at percentage of it's original cost.  I can't wait to find a spot to wear this Botega dress.  And the gloves...oh the gloves....they are truly too much.

Across from Miss Kiki's  shop is a wonderful store  Outras Coisas. This designer, David Simkanic, makes AMAZING leather goods. Then accents with towels, scarves, white plates...because I need more white plates.  These black candle holders I bought are the absolute TRUTH...dear GAWD.
It's the kind of store that has nothing you need but EVERYTHING you want.

And finally, The Canal House a JEWEL mind you....23 room boutique hotel of a 17th century house or 3 put together.  Rooms are good size.  Not cheap, but absolutely lovely.  Having the run of house there would be a bomb birthday party.  Courtyard, whisky, naked spa and weed?  What are we talking about here?

After leaving the Herengracht neighborhood we move a few blocks away...more boutiques, less uppity neighborhood called Jordaan.
Jordaan is where I found a cool spot, JD Williams Whisky Bar with a cooler Proprietor from San Francisco.  I already told him I'm biting.  Had nerve enough to go twice.  Couldn't help it.  They had Taco Tuesdays and Konge fried chicken bites.  Come on now!

All in all, I love me some Amsterdam. 2 shows left.  I'll be on US soil by Sunday.  Praise Him!

That one time we got strip searched in Sweden........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFkSENBFhy4


16 years.  16 years of border crossings....all sorts of borders....Canadian, Mexican, Algerian, Argentinian, Chinese..... hell I've even crossed into Cuba.  Never...NEVER in my life have I been asked to drop my drawers and take of my shirt.

Part of the tour manager crossing the border game is remaining calm and more often than not, keeping my "chip-on-shoulder" "stand-up-to-authority" brethren to keep their lips shut for the sake of getting through.  Let's say for the 30 plus times you've gotten away with carrying, you get caught once.  Shut the fuck up.  You had it coming.  No it ain't racist.  The white jawn had to strip too.  Agist maybe.  Whatever the fuck....the dog smelled the right people.  We got rid of it.  no harm no foul.  But please don't act ignorant at the border.  It's exhausting keeping myself in line let alone entitled ass American ass adults.

Planes, Trains and Uncircumcised Penis

So, if you didn't know, I like Naked Spas. Naked co-ed Spas. Naked, co-ed, European Spas. Naked, co-ed European Spas in Amsterdam in particular.  If you've been with me to the South of France, Portofino,  Morro do Sau Paulo, Corsica or may even the Mandalay Bay adult pool in Las Vegas, chances are you've seen my boobs.  I don't mind.  They are more like an accessory any way....like a really nice pair of cufflinks.  They are small and you notice them, but they aren't overwhelming and add just the right touch.

Any way, my boobs like to go to Naked co ed European Spas in Amsterdam.  So I took my partner in crime and visited a new one:

http://saunadeco.nl/    Tiny spa at the bottom of a brownstone with lovely Art Deco furniture and accents.  Not at all big and obnoxious like that last Naked co-ed European Spa in Amsterdam 20 minutes outside of town.  Although that was banging too.  This one was quaint and just enough.  I was only surrounded by like 10 or 12 uncircumcised peni vs 50 plus at the other spa.  There was even a pregnant lady there relaxing getting her sauna on.  The steam room was to die for and the cold plunge was refreshing.  Wasn't a freak nasty thing, just a spa.  Just people who like to sauna naked and pretend they aren't looking at each other.

You think any of the guys want to go?  hells to the no.  They get offended just asking.

I loved it.

The mint tea put me to sleep.