Tuesday, March 23, 2010
It's amazing to me how difficult it is for people to be loyal. The things you take for granite , home training, common sense...it's not really common. I see that I am loyal to a fault. I am giving to a fault. Because the minute someone is disloyal to me....I swear it's like kryptonite. More than white women even. I see how people - when partners let them down or turn on them, etc, just fuck off the whole business in it's entirety. Sweet Jesus it takes a lot to fucking trust someone. And when that trust is violated...it's just sad. I don't feel like fighting, I don't feel like revenge, nothing. It makes me sick. Literally. I've been stopped up for days and it's taking me some time to get it out. Everyone's been helping. Band members giving me fruit, rubbing my stomach, pepto. Hell, even my arch nemesis gave me some high blood pressure pill that causes diahrrea. I've come to the conclusion that in order to let it go i have to let IT go. The issue. And since I'm not ready, it ain't going no where.