Friday, February 25, 2011

But I want you to be MY bitch!!!!

I discovered recently that not only do I not know how to "play the game" with men, I do not even know what the game is. I don't know what it means to readily allow them to think that they are running shit....the art of "falling back" and "allowing men to be men". I don't know what any of that means. Nor do I know how to get there. And it's hurting me. I think it hurts my business to not totally turn Bitch on to 100. It also hurts the business to not. I hate glass ceilings. They make my skin crawl. So I get a carrot dangled in front of me...and I want to go for that carrot. Why not? No where else to go but up, right? Once I get my ambition-o-meter going, I'm full sails ahead. I'm proving my worth. I'm offering to the client what I can do for them. It was dangled in front of me to do so...or so I thought.

So then I'm told, "it's no secret what you want to do." "I know," I say, "I was being transparent to let you know you made a great choice." "Oh no, that was possibly for something for the future, you need to make sure we're good before you do that." See, I thought the fact that you were pursuing meant that it was okay. Dopey me. Fall back. And then I fall back to what? The dangling carrot was the only thing worth fuckin' with they ass in the first muthafuckin place. And so the bait and switch has occurred. And I get why, it works! Totally. I've worked for free. I took the bait. And now it's been switched. I can't get those hours back, but I can tell them to fuck themselves. Thus making me a bitch. And you see how easily it gets turned around? To have a dude flip that shit on me like the dumb bitch he was fucking with even STEP to me in that way, is so got damn disrespectful and wack. My boy told me the other day that he couldn't even fathom how I could work in an industry that is so blatantly misogynistic. And he's a fucking misogynist! How could I? I'mma have to think about that. But I know I'm about to write a book on it.

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