Friday, February 6, 2009

Only Grammy Week......

Grammy week brings out the best and worst in all of us. Yes it's some great industry hooplah circus pretentious parade, but we all choose our jobs. Mine happens to be working with crazy pretentious people who fuel greater artists than themselves or who they would even dare to be if they had the talent.

So Wayne has rehearsals this week. 8 nominations and 3 performances which we cannot discuss until after Sunday. All I can say is that the Grammy's dare to be educational with every show and I'm proud of them. In any event, Centerstaging in Burbank looks like the Magic Johnson Fridays on a Friday night. Black folks all over, in parking lots, musicians from the last tour and dancers from the next. While we're getting work done it's perfectly normal to see Chris Brown in Studio 9, Queen Latifah in Studio 8, etcetera. It's probably the best part of Grammy Week. No lines. No velvet rope.

Grammy rehearsals are retarded. I can't go into to the depths of that, except to ask, why are black women so mean? I know, I have that bug and I was a condescending bitch before...I worked on myself. It's ugly. But I am fighting these 2 raggedy publicists just to do my job because they feel some kind of way. WTF. The Grammy production office talking major shit about how the camp is divided and ran....UGH. Embarrassing. Thank God I have a reputation that's good already.

Then there's the Black Eyed Peas Peapod charity event, a yearly staple and the first time I've worked it and not MY yearly staple, The Roots Jam Session - still doesn't sit right. Lots of fun people there. Slash, Lupe Fiasco, Janelle Monae, Cypress Hill, blah blah blah - family. It's not every night you can watch Fergie perform while drinking beers with her husband.

In any event, my buddy finished his rehearsals from the Grammys and told me to roll and meet them at the Sunset Towers. I grabbed my trusty sidekick and off we went to Hollywood. Upon arrival, we were surprised to see Sean Penn at the table, with Cleve Jones...THE Cleve Jones ( , not Emile Herscht who played him in MILK. Fun times. We laughed, we cried, we left and went to Villa where Samantha Ronson was Jukeboxing (my affectionate term for people who simply play their serrato and cut the song off when it gets good....these people generally can't dance). And of course, wherever Ronson is, her sraggely girlfriend is sure to follow.

Apparently, Lindsey Lohan has a crush on Sean Penn. But who doesn't? I mean Fast Times At Ridgemont High shaped my teen years. BUt it was obnoxious. "Their" area was small and cramped and we had a large crew. So my buddy tells me "Tell Sean lets go upstairs so we can do "our" thing"...I say cool. I lean over to tell Sean who's short term memory was definitely fucked...I don't even know if he heard me, but I delivered the message like a good assistant and turned to leave. I must have gotten Ms. Lohans panties in a twirl, because she fell back all dramatic - some of the best acting I've ever seen her do actually - as if I'd sat on her...or kind of like how people looked at Dorothy Danridge when she dipped her toe in the pool at that Vegas hotel before they drained it. So I apologized, or pardoned myself i should say. Meanwhile she'd grabbed my sidekicks arm and said "I don't know who the hell you guys are. Get the fuck out of here."

Now, I didn't hear that part, but I had just enough whiskey in my system to pretend that I did. We decided to say later for that bitch and go upstairs to our table. The girls were cute and it was fun and light and Cleve was there and so, so what. But we were getting hyped. So Sir Penn comes upstairs and talks to my buddy in the corner, quietly, and here comes Attention-seeking-whore #1. Just standing there while the gentlemen are having a private conversation! And well, that's just rude. So I go up to her and while she's texting her generation Z ass away, I ask her,

"Hey, you aren't going to come up here starting no shit are you?"
"Excuuuuuuse me?" she responds.
"I said, we are very cool up here and not into all of that so, please don't come up here acting a fool."
"Excuuuuse me but I'm here to see HIM (pointing to Sean Penn)."
"Word? Well, I ain't with that nigga I'm with this nigga and we cool and you can't come here dictating and putting your hands on people and shit."
"Well you elbowed me!!!"
"I don't think I did, but if so, I apologize...still don't come up here starting no shit. You will come up short".
"you are being inappropriate."
"Really, inappropriate is calling people 'colored', that' s in appropriate."
"Excuuuuse me? My best friend since 5 is black."
"Oh bitch please! Just don't be starting no shit."

Then Sean and Buddy moved and walked to the table so she tried to follow him.
"Now you're harassing me." she says.
"Really? I'm harassing you Lindsay Lohan? Cuz just EVERYONE is after you right? Bitch get the fuck outta here."

And then she went to Sean and he ignored her. She is such a fake ass lesbian.

And that has been the best part of my Grammy Week. I wonder how it can get any better. 3 more days!!!!


  1. I have so many things I wish I said to her in retrospect... like "hey skinny bitch - you touch me again and ill knock you out" OR "tired ass hag - who do you think you are touching me?" OR "hey coke-head bitch! fuck you!"