Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Flying Unfriendly Skies

I'm an American, United, Lufthansa kind of girl. Mostly because I have enough upgrades to never have to notice how incredibly fucked the legroom is. Do the airlines think people got smaller? I'm only 5'9" and my knees touch. Not so nice. And I can get even loftier about this sitiation.

Airplanes are already teeming with germs from people who never learned to cover their mouths when they cough, or sneeze (no doubt removed by the same mothers who stopped paddling in schools). Which leads me to believe that Continental is officially the Greyhound of the sky. I used to think it was Southwest, but Southwest knows they're cheap. They are efficient. They keeps it pushin'.  And  US Air flight attendants are old as my grandmammy, and mean.   And the Midwest express, Continental, constantly overbooks and has nerve enough to have no legroom. It's sad. It's discriminatory to people who weigh more than 160 lbs! Its a violation of our Civil Rights!!.....well it is.
Fricken recirculated air.
Fricken 9 years old talking too early in the morning. It's Monday! Why they ain't in school?! These are the same children who talk back in class with no consequences and then back hand their teacher in junior high. Just finish reading your paperback of "Twilight" would ya? Dont even get me started on how thats NOT a childrens book.

Dramatic? Slightly, perhaps I am. But this is the 3rd time this muthafucker in front of me has coughed or sneezed without covering his mouth. Did manners go out with paddling and music classes?! WTF!
Okay, clearly my sleep deprivation has me spiraling out of control. I CAN'T HELP IT! CLEVELAND WAS SO POPPIN'!!! Pop pop pop!
If only I could reach my Xanax so I can stop rambling.

"Hey little 9 year old, can you pass me that bag......"


  1. OMG, you are nuts! I luv it!!!!! And some children, not mine [thank God] have not gone back to school yet. Wednesday for some odd reason.

  2. I hope they don't read fricken "Twilight". This little kid was reading it for crying out loud.

  3. Uh.. no... You know that I am the dungeon master extraordinaire and I screen what my kids read, watch, eat, and play with.

  4. Good luck AuntiMame or whatever the fuck your name is! Talking shit about other kids like that is like breaking a mirror and getting seven years bad luck instead in this case you just earned a bad ass kid for at least 18 years. Back the fuck off the kids and put on your Bose headphones, we know your boooshhheee ass has some, maybe you can go to SkyMall and buy 'em with some of your bazillion frequent flyer infrequently fucked miles. Ur a fucking piece of work!

  5. Did you say your name was La-keesha??