Friday, January 9, 2009

Peen Eye

Little unknown secret about independent women..... they have a mean sex drive.  And I know, boys call them "alpha females" like that shit is supposed to be a diss or something, or even like women aren't supposed to be aggressive or know what they want, etcetera....sort of like the term "reverse racism".  In any event, my dearest homie and I had a discussion that went wrong regarding sluttiest moments.  And we came to the realization, that we were NOT horrible sluts.  Partially because we have no great gang bang stories like half the guys on tour.  I only have a few slutty moments and my ego won't let me believe that I was truly being a slut - not with what I see on porn hub.  So I think about how choosy I am - present tense - about the "d" in which I search.  My last "d" I don't want any more and with all of these gender biases, one really has to be easy on the new "d".  

For instance, I held out the other night.  Why? Because I wanted him to respect me? uh uh.  Because I wanted it to be a "real" relationship and not have another one night stand to no where (by the way, I don't believe that shit at all)?  I wanted some meaning?  Nah, none of that.   I held out because...... I was too afraid that his dick could possibly be small and I would be disappointed.
Retard, right?  I know this!  But I can't help myself.  I'm a size queen.  There.  I said it.  I join the ranks of the Pamelas and the ...well, who else is out about being a size queen.  The point is this, I can chase all of the big bootied hoes out of the dressing rooms that I want...and there were 2 ginormous bootied hoes with gold dresses that made it past security merely for their intoxicating booties.  

Now if that can happen in a high security spot like the I Am Music Tour, why in the hell can't I screen niggas prior to fucking?  Why can't that be just as important as respect, or relationship, or meaning?  blah blah fricken blah.  I don't think you all realize what hell it is to be on tour as a woman and no peen eye.  I've gotten some feedback from you 1960's ass niggas talking about I need therapy.  Who doesn't.  Shit.  But really, so many many many many many boys who drink with you , get high with you, pat you on the back...ha ha hell.  This is some bullshit.  Setting up strippers and lap dances and shit.  WHO SETS UP LAP DANCES FOR ME?  WHO?  I tell you who.  No one.  And while the Kettle One Gimlet may be talking right now, it still does not negate the fact that the gender roles in the world SUCK BALLS.

----news flash, Lil Wayne just held his one-gloved hand up and said "Respect the color of my glove.  I AM Barack Obama."

I am really beginning to love this dude....


  1. What the fuck?? Finally someone say what I've been thinking. Strong women equals scarce dick. That's so unfair, because usually the stronger we are the more dick we want. We would really love to be broke the fuck down. What a shame. Thanks for keeping it real good time girl. You are off the chain!

  2. Oh my God. Rosanna and I JUST had this conversation! Dude's can look at a booty, and tell right away what they can work with. What do we get for clues to how their packin'? Biceps? hell no. Their car. Hell to the naw..... We have to take calculated risks! I do wonder what tipped you off to the guys demure side? I've just straight up asked before, and prayed dude wasn't lying. A tip though for us greedy looky lous: I once became enthralled with an unnamed guitar player cause dude was SO packing you could see it through his baggy pants. It turned out to be a lot o' balls and a hernia. Didn't have the "balls" (pun intended) to back out.