Sacrifice

I was born out of sacrifice. It's no wonder I thrive in it.  It's where I'm stationed.  And while I find it unfair many many times, I always return...happily, as if it's my station in life.  Always the therapist.  Even before I knew I'd get a Masters in it.  Always living near some halfway house, always donating turkeys and giving clothes to abused women shelters.  Always into that...sacrifice.  Doesn't mean I don't expect it back, some day.  Doesn't mean I don't get mad when it doesn't happen.  I am human.
Being a Martyr is for the birds.   So why choose it?  A job that takes me away from my better years....all this mouth and hootspah....oh you girls with all that mouth...you'll learn.

With jobs, friends, men...like, what in the total fuck am I doing?  My plight for finding a nice Jewish Boy is straining me.  Pretty soon I'll be visiting Fertility clinics and wondering why I didn't keep that baby at 16.  Shocking?  Please, you know you had an abortion at 16...or 17....or 20. Stop playing.

Any way, awkward pause, there are no more accidents.  Everything is a decision...thought and planned.  I've had a good run of living la vida loca....now it's time to live la vida calculated loca.

And so now I choose to love.  Love those that are close to me just cuz they need a little extra loving.  Love them because they are  good and fragile and need more people, to love them with all their faults - as I need, as we all do.  I don't know what that means. But I'm tired of feeling stupid about it.  I will love for all of my life, mostly now when it's needed the most.  
I think Leos stick with the feelings we can't control because we love the challenge of pain....what with our oh so decadent life.  
Full of sacrifice.  
Love is sacrifice.  It's kinda crazy, mostly stupid, definitely irrational.  What're ya gonna do?

Insert country music (this weeks selection "Pistol Annies")

This is when the I create a bigger company with more people and more jobs and more help and more clients and more.....headaches? And I pass it all to my beautiful niece who quite possibly has more steam than I....and trade this career off for the next one which requires more ambition and more sacrifice but probably a steadier home life...which I forgot about with all of my ambition over these last years in the entertainment industry.  

But alas, "Martyrdom does not end something, it only a beginning."
Indira Gandhi

Red Bone Mango

ahhhhhh.....it's nice to take a break and then come back.  Tonight's Wayne's 30th.  It's about to be off the chain.  Maybe my last party?  I dunno.  I'm trying to see things I haven't seen before.  You know, pick and choose in this life.  I said my birthday was the last but everything keeps upping the annie.

Today was a great day.  Just getting solid answers and validation...all things I've asked of God.  Security on all levels.  Great time to take a sigh of relief.  Even greater time to pat yourself on the back. It's hard being the biggest cheerleader but when you ask....be ready for it to come back two fold.

Goodtime Girl stays winning.

MAKING ALL THATS OLD NEW

So I made it through my birthday and I made it through the D'Angelo tour.  I cannot tell when my patience has been tried more.  Blogging has not been on the forefront of activities.  But as I slow down and take meeting after meeting with production company after production company, I realize it's time to make all that's old new...again.

Expanding your territory.  It's in the bible.  So lots of reading and affirmations and meditation and walks on the beach (reminds me it's 434pm...time to hit it)....so that I can sit at this desk and churn all of this stuff out.  I almost don't want to go to NYC this weekend because I know that will take me away from this desk.  It's hard to work in NYC.  Someone always wants to meet somewhere at some time.  Always something to do --- like ?uestlove's Brooklyn Bowl Prince throw down...."Bring D"!  Pressure.  Not only to go but to bring someone who don't go no where.  Doesn't sound like desk work.

Then Friday - Roots show - Portchester.  No big deal.  Easy.  Just no desk to do the rest on.

Saturday - EASY day - Pier 36.  Going to be fun it seems.  I don't think we go on until late so we have a long day.  But as I said before....focus ---- desks.  Parking.  Brooklyn, Harlem or South Orange.

I want sushi right now.  I can't overwhelm myself before I even get out of here.

LEO SEASON

So I haven't written in awhile.  It's Foxy Roxy's birthday.  My birthday was a week or two ago and well...I haven't written because I wasn't ready to admit my age.  What if I want to lie about it in the future?  So yeah.  I just joined the club.  And until I'm fully ready to be bout it I've decided to put Roxy on blast instead.  Fine as shit.  22 year old kid.  45 and fly.  Telling me how I need to leave these City Slickers alone and get a country man to put a baby in me.  She's hilarious.

Night 3 of the D show and I am thrilled to say that this show jumped OFF.  D was in good spirits and the Boston crown was ROCKING.  Did the damn thing.  In fact I love them and want to put them on the bus and take them with us.

And I love Mary.  I don't care.  She does no wrong.  She has quite the catalogue so she could have about 4 hours worth of music.

My bday was filled with wine in Napa and song in Inglewood.  My favorite spot...the Market Street Bar and Grill....amazing good time with good friends.  I wish I remembered who was there but I was far too drunk by the end of the night.  

This blog is all over the place.  I'll get it together tomorrow.

SUPPORT

I don't think there is anything greater and more moving than support.  I think I've changed my mind about the whole love is greatest.  Sometimes love is not enough.  There are clear signs of many of my friends divorcing and/or having difficulties in their marriages....women are bouncing like a mu'uh fucker.  So love...yeah...I get it.  But I think support is so major.  I'm excited to pieces that my BFF is moving to LA.  Just the fire I needed to motivate me.  Even the biggest cheerleader needs a cheerleader.  In fact....maybe more than others since we're always expected to be a cheerleader.

I love cheerleading.  I was a songster though.  You know, the black girls who danced better than they did high kicks or back flips?  Yeah.  Me. Connie Mockenhaupt, a fiery 50 something red head who wore leotards in memory of a former body shape and her tits to her chin, was our cheer coordinator.  She said my arms weren't straight enough to be a cheerleader.  I told her she was racist.  I dunno. I was probably wrong.  I'm not that coordinated.

Bottom line is....I'm gonna be producing and managing my ass off.  And I can't wait to get this party started.....what a way to start my birthday season off!

And it's a Wrap

The last day...the sunniest....the best show....I even got on my hands and knees for him to do Untitled yawl but they pulled the plug on us.  We were ROCKING!  Not a better way to end a run...no better than I know.  And we are smooth.  All of the wardrobe is together, the receipts are finished.  I've been in this hotel room all of 3 hours.  I've repacked, showered and had a cup of tea.  Lobby call is in 22 minutes and the first leg of my flight leaves in 3 hours.  yes...I am on my way home.  Gonna see the pup, the other pup and maybe fry some fish. I dunno.  I have a nail appointment at 5pm when I land.  I flicked off all of my Tiffany Blue gel polish.  Turns out...and this I forgot....the man don't like color finger nail polish.  And you'd think...eh he's singing on stage, he's playing the piano, he's strumming his guitar.  He ain't got time to worry about my colored nail polish...do he?  Rox told me though....funny.  So I changed it and fronted him about me changing it.

What else?  I dunno.  Too much child.  I have a filming fire under my ass now though.  I made trailers of the trip.  I planned a scavenger hunt for my boys birthday, i created a travel book.  I had a truly productive two weeks out here.  And now I'm headed home.

Can't wait til I land!

COLOGNE - SHOW 2

I was mad.
We were late.  Yes yes technical difficulties.  Hiring and firing.  Horrible hotels and moving whole groups ....taking 4 hours in total.  Misunderstandings with travel agents who's ass I'm forced to kiss.  Fucking Cologne sucked.  And so I took a nap.  DURING the show.  Like a pouting 8 year old.  Anyone who walked in the dressing room I just frowned, grumbled.  So passed out was I...until I heard a sound I rarely here....JK's falsetto "send it off, send a clueeeeeee....".  Tonights show was a regular show.  NO festival times.  No quick ins and outs.  Were they doing a full set?  I rolled over not impressed...still upset from the late sound check...but then.....the full harmonies of "Lady" woke me up and I had to go.  I truly had to go upstairs.  Wiped the eye boogers, ran to the side of the stage, and as if I'd never been asleep, partied with the background vocals - dance steps and all.  D put on a full show.  Everything we've all wanted to hear...including the Brown Sugar encore.  Praise Jesus!  I didn't even need drugs to get that high!  So happy that the power of music still has.....well, power.

NORTH SEA JAZZ FESTIVAL OFFICIAL - DAY 1

What can I say about Essence?  Yawl saw the reviews.  Fuck Essence.  I don't feel like digging up that dead old ass horse.

But tonight....we are in our element.  We have the PRIVILEGE to have Janelle Monae as our warm up music....we are getting HYPED in this dressing room!!!! I'm telling you...it's finna be a show!

But let's just talk about the stress of movement....for one moment.  No one is happy with a flight to Europe.  I usually write, or catch up on movies...I generally cry on every movie, but thankfully I turned those ones off before I got started.  It was harder than usual to leave this time.

I remember when the reigns got handed to me by the Roots former tour manager.  I came in as a happy-go-lucky assistant...we were on our way to Nancy, France...opening for Femi Kuti.  I was thrilled to be able to show off my French for my favorite group.  FINALLY...I was using all that I knew - psychology, music, french....what could be better?  I had Hubs bass on my back, Kamals guitar in hand, I was ready.

Then Toya showed up in flip flops and a gift bag.  This was pre 9/11 so she walked to the gate.  Gave Black Thought a gift.  Said her good byes and looked at me and said "I'm not going.  you got this."

Huh?  Mind you...I hadn't been on tour with the Roots solo ever.  I was a groupie...a "Band Aide" even.  I was a young girl with a Delta Buddy Pass.  I met them everywhere  - Elysee Montmarte in Paris, Grosse Freiheit in Hamburg, Ancienne Belgiqie in Brussels....I took trains, snuck on the back of buses, but nothing prepared me for actual tour management but my own instincts and my big mouth.

Amazingly enough, I'm a natural.  The power of a psych degree, the ability to speak with people, and enough berating to get anyone in shape...got me to where I am.  Some of the people I train say I'm super mean....I agree.  I got a lot of it from my now family who put a foot in my ass and straightened out the sculiosis in my spine....so it's true.  I give it out.  Like a scarred animal who knows the consequences of his actions.  My dog does it every time she sees my eyes and my lips pursed.  It's that type of consequential action needed to get on this tour management horse.  Logic goes out the window because you're dealing with people.  If we were selling cups this would be no problem.  We'd pick the color, the size and the material.  Would anyone talk back?  hell no....but PEOPLE?  Artists???

And I'd like to say that when they aren't that good, they're even better.  Geniuses got problems.  Why?  Cuz they spend all their days being geniuses.  This other stuff is just for shits and giggles.  Like...oh, time...eating, remembering birthdays, costs of any fucking thing....and the ones who are successful?  Well let's just say they have a better balance and a different motivation.

I don't know what's best....but I know I'm drawn to the crazy muthafuckas.

Tells ya  little bit more about me , huh?  Like you didn't know.

TOUR SEASON AND BALANCE

The inevitable question...do I eat or do I have a life?  I made space for a life and it gave me a surprise that I hadn't intended.  It's  a big birthday year for me and I haven't started a family...so while in the stages of making space...someone started a family without me.  Ha.  See how the jokes always on you when you think you planning something that God may or may not have in store for you?  So....while life goes on, I am having these unnerving emotions that I am not accustomed to having.  Jealousy is not my forte and it rather sucks. But it is what it is and I feel what I feel. I get a lot of young fabulous women who want to start in this business and I want to tell them the truth and at the same time encourage them.  Truth is....there's nothing encouraging about being a tour manager.  There's no 401 K, no insurance package...and mainly you give up the fun part of your life to someone else entirely.  Then you wake up old as shit like...whoops! My bad.  Let me get on that family shit.  Then....what the hell do you know about creating a family....all you know how to do is hit and run.  But man my passport is FAT!  ooh weeee. Bonus.

And here we are.....funny, we try so hard to get into male dominated businesses to flip off our middle fingers and let them know they can't get the best of us...and then BOOYOW! Wrong again.

ew. this was not supposed to be such a depressing entry.  Actually my play sister and her WIFE are preggers and I was inspired to write about them and introduce their blog.  tres interressante...one of them claims to be less femme than the other but I don't know how that works for them...ha.  I don't know the difference so I cannot say.  I CAN say, however, that my niece is going to be super fly and I am going to call her Tina even if no one else does.  Check out MORE THAN A RAINBOW  I find the perspective of the "butch" preggo chick new and promising.  Not ever heard from.  Love it.  Love them!  Love my niece.

CONSTANTINOPLE a la Josephine!!

I never dreamed that it was going to be so incredible.  I also didn't know that the promoter I cursed out would end up partying til 7am lobby call with me.  A must return.  No doubt the rest of my artists will be taken care of on trips to Istanbul.  Holla.

But this Bosphorous and this Grand Bazaar I did in 3 hours and truly need a week there. 

The concert site is outdoors on the sea...the European side.  Istanbul is like Kansas City, divided on the Asian continent and the European continent.  The area it's divided by is called The Bosphorus...which is the straight connecting the Black Sea to the Marmara Sea...which leads to the Aegean and then to the Mediteranean.  Blah blah blah...shit was tight.  We took a boat ride and enjoyed views of million dollar homes from old old old Ottoman money.  The dopeness.  If that wasn't dope enough, those damn Turkish rugs will be the death of me!  Had I had another hour a mortgage or two may have suffered  Seriously.

If there's one thing I learned from Josephine and Eartha is that the foreigners truly know how to make a black feel good.  I'm a sucker for someone telling me I'm gorgeous with an accent.  Particularly since the only other black people I saw in Istanbul were Macy Gray and the band.  Seriously....it was live.  And the hairy darkness and swarthiness of it all....why (tears up) reminds me a bit of my other motherland Brazil....and we know how that tour went....the beauty of anonymity...brilliant.  Of course I truly have to sit my ass down before I get pneumonia or something.  I was supposed to be on my way to a hospital Saturday, not back to back all nighters....Who the fuck do I think I am?  Tina Farris circa 99....grow UP already!

WATCHED THE THRONE

The show in Brussels I thought was cool.  I love Ancienne Belgique and I love the Belgian crowd.  In fact Brussels cracks off.  Funny thing is my body has been lethargic since I arrived.  And this time I was ready to go to the hospital.  However it was just my 2nd show and I just don't feel right missing it.  I was pale, the band was telling me to go , the promoter had a car ready for me...and yet...I couldn't peel myself away from the sound board.  So I agreed to sleep on it and go the next morning.

As luck would have it, my girl Rebecca Pietri - owner of hommepourfemme is out on the road with Jay Z as is Renelou Padora with Kanye....so what's a girl to do when she's only 80 minutes by train from Gare de Nord....Paris.....I tell you what, she grabs her artist and gets the fuck on the train (shot out to Thalys my Amtrak away from home).

It was hollywood up in that piece...as I believe all Paris shows are.  So hip hop.  So Adrian Brody, Adam Levine, Stephen Hill, models, producers, ME...I dunno.  Kanye stopped by and kissed Macy on the way to the stage.  The VIP is practically ON the stage.  It was a royal battle.  Just when I thought Kanye crushed Jay , Jay came back with something so classic it shut me the fuck up.  It was wonderful.

Stay cool with heads of security and tour managers.  They always have the most power.

LOUIS JOHNSON

Sitting in this old haunted ass piano bar at Le Metropole Hotel ...mad ghosts floating around...Albert Einstein, Madame Currie and dem....my 3rd Negroni  (somehow I always drink bitters when I speak French)....and I'm making a budget but entertaining myself at the same time by playing Michael McDonald....and I discover that I'm slightly in love with Louis Johnson.  One because I'm a fricken bass groupie whore....can't get enough of a bass lick thanks to the brothers FARRIS - Darryl and Troy - my uncles and subsequently my favorite men in the world....anyway, I have a hankerin for a bass slap.  The reason I'm even in this business is because I was a stone cold groupie for Leonard Hubbard.  It's true.  I'll admit it.  I ain't scared.  But Louis lays it on ya.  I wish there was some footage of him playing this...but alas it was a studio joint and he had is own group The Brothers Johnson to get back to and ...oh yeah...making history and shit on a little album we ALL bought....per history.....THRILLER....so yeah...I got in on repeat....about the 10th time.  I haven't told Macy's bass player yet that I'm such a groupie...but I see you Michael Torres.  I don't want to scare them too soon.

INTRODUCTIONS

Funny....today I met some fans at the hotel.  Fans of Macy Gray.   Fans of Erykah Badu.  Fans of Jill Scott.  Fans of...I assumed, the neosoul movement.  And had NEVER heard of D'Angelo....NEVER.  I played them the music and still....nor the Roots.  I'm in Brussels....Ancienne Belgique...the usual...House of Blues of Europe...and what?  No D'Angelo?  I couldn't believe it.  Shocked and surprised am I.  SHOCKED.  I even showed them a naked picture...hell Kid Rock's girlfriend knew him by the naked picture!  We got work to do!

Hello Beautiful

Awwww....me and Shmeary!  Hello beautiful

D'Angelo GQ article

Miss Amy Wallace did a phenomenal job.  I can't wait to get this summer cracking.  D'Angelo GQ

BRUSSELS - LE METROPOLE

Finally! Safari had this blocked  all up in Poland.  Warsaw was a bit nightmarish....it was dreary and my room reeked of cigarettes.  And everything pretty much operated in some other time zone...I don't know.  And my jet leg this time around has been frighteningly like Japan.  Staying up until 8am.  Sleeping for 3 hours only.  My body is wrecked....truly.  As much as I want to keep going I may need to sit my ass down...ha.  when has that every happened?

I'm out with my good old friend Macy Gray.  I love building shows.  Coming here is like rehearsals for the summer tours.  It's the most creative time of the tour.  We try different set lists....different lighting patterns, make costumes, build sets.  It's the only time I'm NOT on auto pilot which at some point I've discovered ends up driving me bonkers.  I need stimulus.  Some sort of creativity otherwise Brussels and Warsaw end up looking like Buffalo and Cleveland to me.  And then I sound ungrateful and who needs that?

The hotel the promoter put us into was garbage so Talent and I walked door to door ....a la Tina Turner ... in the rain "if you please give us a room...I promise I will pay you back..."  Not that dramatic, but we did find a beautiful hotel that was once a bank and hosted the Solvay Conference where a bunch of smarty art chemists hung out, drank beer and talked chemistry....Albert Einstein, Marie Curie...it was like 1911 Freaknik for smart folks.  In my dreams anyway.  Can you imagine...Madame Curie dolo with all them dudes?  Ballllllling!  Me and this piano bar will probably get it craacking tonight.

I Have Not Yet BEGUN to EMASCULATE

So my new homie Zo Williams had this full on convo with me about the way women have got to stop emasculating our men.  And I thought about it last night long and hard because I usually discount these sorts of conversations.  Emasculation to me is like Reverse Racism.  It just don't make sense.  Like only ONE type of person can be discriminated against or one person can be sexist but not anyone else.  But since the Supermoon was out and we were under it in the streets of Ladera Heights I was feeling compelled and forgiving and compassionate and shit....and I realized....all of the guys who came to the house sauf for a few randoms, came bearing gifts (alcohol, easy) paid their $5, and told me I had a beautiful home.  Seriously....there were maybe 4 who didn't.  Them little fast ass girls that came through who acted like they ain't neva had an ounce of home training?  THEM.....bucking their black girl eyes at me...not even looking for who's home it was....seriously?  Oh and the teeth sucking and eye rolling. It made me think...are we that bad?  There were high heeled shoes and lipgloss and poom poom shorts....although I should have paid more attention to that one, she was serving food to people without being asked.  I can use a big bootied food server on my team.  But I digress....there were a slew of wack ones....a SLEW.  All that sizing up and purse carrying....I do not miss that about my 20's.

IMMIGRATION: And other frightening tour stuff

I believe one of the most eregious moments of tour management is processing immigration.  It's the one thing that can change your heartbeat in a matter of seconds.  Worse than a bad hotel.  Not having your shit together when you get to Customs can set off the whole tour.

Not just because you can't talk your self in....You can always talk yourself in.  I'm a master of talking my parties into other countries.  Talk about eating humble pie.  You have never seen such Uncle Tom Coonery in your life since probably the Big Minstrel Jubilee of 1900.  I don't show up in black face.  I do not tap dance.  I just shut the fuck up mostly and say "oh yussuh...nosuh...you right suh....how could they suh?  Damn shame indeed suh.  No you ain't stupid nasuh...we don't think you is suh....the name was spelled wrong suh...yes I should have checked it out suh I'm sorry suh.....Yes they are a loud bunch suh...no...no drugs....wouldn't dream of it suh....well you see, my cataracks suh....yes well those are all prescription too suh.....ya see we's been out here a mighty long time suh..."

More important than that is you have to keep all of the coons and loud obnoxious entitled American's you carry with you quite and in check.  And I mean don't even breathe hard.

I had a guy go off at Ireland Customs...like crazy.  Lost it.  All my fault.  I said to said Diva..."Dude , let me fix it"....said Diva pouted and kicked.  Customs agent was like "tha fuck is wrong with him...he a Diva or something?  That attitude will get you no where"....I spent the rest of the afternoon begging said Diva to come out of his room....the promoters threatened to sue us....we got him in.  I don't even think we had a guitarist that show....and it lasted all of 45 minutes...possibly under.  It was horrible.  Moral is, I now check spelling and I know I can get a stomping coon into a homogenous country with a lil bit of "le shuck and le jive".

So as I gear up for summer...creating all of these immigration forms, dotting my I's and crossing my T's....it's now 138am.  I've been at this all day.  I'm addicted now.  Moreover, I don't want to stop because a break may lead to a bad pick up tomorrow.  What if I forget something?  And then it's Pori/Stockholm Sweden all over again.  The day I crossed so many I's and T's that I left my own passport in the hotel....well, it was in my purse, someone looked at it and didn't put it back in my purse.  Jumped on a private jet (cuz they didn't really ask you for your passports back in the olden days - pre Sep 10 , 2001) and away I went.  I couldn't connect.  I said I'd catch up.  The festival couldn't get my passport to me until Monday (it was Saturday).  I had a show in SAN FRANCISCO on said Monday, and the US Embassy was closed (1 dude who was out "uh...it's a weekend" "DUDE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!"  Fricken Americans.).  I drug myself to Berns...my favorite hotel at the time where our usual promoter met me.  It was like the scene in "What's Love Got To Do With It" when Tina showed up and said "I do not have any money...but if you could give me a room just for the night I swear I'll pay you back...."  Horrifying.  But I too, made it to San Francisco in time for the show....thank God for a 10 hour head start (time change).

So what did I learn from that?  Check for your passport before you leave the hotel.

Oh I have a million of them...but going down memory lane is depressing.  Lemme go to sleep.

FOXXHOLE and ZO Williams _ Bitch Craft

This was the first time I've even listened to this talk show.  And I have to say I am impressed that there is dialogue happening in this setting.  Impressed and surprised.  I'm so proud of these young folks...I sound like a grandma...we have such access.  I am excited about the attempt to have positive dialogue.

The conversation though....left a little less than desired.  I wish there were more representations of women in power....it was kind of beating the obvious dead horse.  Would be nice to have less commercial interruptions so that folks can complete a thought.  It's a bit rushed and I believe it's a longer conversation than what was allotted but a great start.  The woman studies student should have been on the SHOW...what was her name "Charisma".  Yes...on name alone.  She was speaking truths though.

The topic?  Why women are such bitches.  Yet another discussion about women being too bitchy and the fall of gender roles due to the feminist movement.  Zzzzzzzz.  Everytime I hear a man say that it's like hearing the term "reverse racism".  Like..."see if yawl didn't want so much freedom I'd open the door for you!" [enter shuck and jive].  Get the fuck out of here.  I'm going to punish you for your ambition?  I should have called in.  The dynamic is so very Toussaint L'Overture....  Yawl niggas wanna fight back?  Cool.  I'll put a gate up between you and the other folks on the same land and create poverty and despair to your people.  A pox on you for wanting freedom!"  Thus goes the male story of women and power and their obvious lack of it.  Please.  I IMPLORE YOU....BE POWERFUL.  Take it.  TAKE IT....I digress.  So annoying.   I have a multitude to say about that...
However thank you Jamie Foxx for providing a space to talk and thank you Zo Williams for your bravery and follow through.  Sirius 98.

Entrapment and other ways to get a man

So after watching "Think Like A Man" the other day, I was wondering...well trying to remember, if the book gave healthy pointers on entrapment.  You know...the old...."guess what I'm pregnant and now we can be a happy family ...right?"  It cracks me up.  I'm learning day by day some of the fundamental things that the women's movement took away from we career-oriented women.  And it's not ALL of us...by no means of course.  Excuse my generalization.  But truly....our parent's ....grandparents, and maybe or clearly from a lack of their own understanding .... failed to teach us about love.  "Love is patient, love is kind...."  Stop right there.  Cuz truly, if you ain't doing NONE of that....well, you've missed the 1st 2 steps of love.  Tolerating bullshit is different from being patient.  Bullshit is judgment and judgment gets in the way of all sorts of good stuff.  People spend YEARS to develop strong, idealized relationships.  The patience it requires....I have learned....is ASTOUNDING.  I do know that sometimes....just sometimes, we ...I...let me speak in I statements, think I can bully our way into having something we want.  Like we have this plan in our head and if we don't make the NEXT nigga we've chosen into that plan he's no good.

My boss told me...."falling in love" is kind of weird the way we go about it.
"We say shit like "I'm looking to get married....or I'm looking for my husband"...and the NEXT person we see is just it....vs ....I've been seeing someone and THAT person makes me want to be a better person and so I want to marry THAT person.  It's a different spin."

And a backwards spin at that.  Like, you have so much expectation you've lauded onto that one person that when they fuck up...and they will...we are all human, you leave no room for them to improve or get better or to even KNOW THAT YOU DONT LIKE SOMETHING...because "they should just know".  What kind of bullshit trap is that?  You will be disappointed in this life time and time again.  But the reactionary stance is so anti-love I just don't know how I was trapped in that for so long.  Ladies, it's a waste of fucking time.  Please.  Remember when you judge someone about something they are doing, you will be met with that judgment too.  And my biggest fear is that someone isn't going to see that my bullshit is just that....bullshit.   I want someone to love me past that....I do a good enough job beating myself up.  Everyone deserves better.

MADEA GETS A JOB

So...it's no secret to my Boughetto homies that I am a fan of Tyler Perry.  Like my boy says, unless you hiring more black folks than Lil Wayne or Tyler Perry, shut the fuck up.  I had a perfect seat thanks to the keyboardist and homie, star treatment thanks to my former security -turned-tour manager, Terrill, and even enjoyed a delicious salad and water for $13 in my seat.  I love the theater.  I didn't realize Tyler Perry would actually be there.  Duh.  Who else would play Madea?  But I just realized it.  And it was amaze-balls.  It was guud and terrble.  Like it required a whole nother act that was missing.  Madea always has great lessons and spirituality.  And then during the curtain call, all came out in their newly fluffed front laces, black sparkly gowns, Tyler Perry out of drag, and rolled the band out for a 20 minute set of Tyler's favorite songs with high notes in them.  Sadly there was no playbill in that sold out Nokia Theater...which was a disservice for theater goers everywhere!  Oh...did I mention he had two IMAG screens up in which he showed the Tyler Perry Home Theater collection as well as his trailer for his summer hit...Madea Undercover....or some shit where she starts working for the CIA.  Love his marketing of himself, Jesus, and Cheryl Pepsi Riley!  Long Live Tyler Perry!

Hologram - Yacht Busters

I can't get over how people do anything for a private jet or a yacht.  WTF is up with that hologram shit?  I am not with it one bit.  I know I jest when I say "it's the devil"...but it's kinda sooth-sayerish no?  Like, did you ASK Tupac if he wanted to come back to life in 90's clothing?  And "amazing"?  He was too tall.  It was someone else dancing with his head on it.  And now that mofo is going on tour?!  OMG....That should be kinda cool though to tour manage it....except I don't want to tour manage.  So ...yeah...Tower of Babylon in full effect.  I'm sure there will be Bob Marley, Biggie Smalls and Marilyn Monroe tours next.  This is worse than Hollywood remakes.

Trust Factor

I think that the worst thing in the world is to not trust someone.  When you lose trust....why....fuck....it simply drives you coocoo.  It's not good for anyone.  Particularly for yourself and your crazy ways.  Makes you further apart from said person if maybe the craziness is in your head and makes you fucking so looney tunes that well....shitballs who wants to be crazy?  I hate being crazy.  I don't know what's worse, the actual taking advantage of or the not trusting?  since you feel bad either way....maybe there should be no not trusting since the taking advantage of will reveal itself?  I dunno.  I know shit's fucked up though.  When I watch people go through it I have all types of advice.  Here its like...I dunno....fuck people altogether.

before i let you go....

blackstreet....they listen to that here.  sounds great in a spanish accent....

DONT READ THIS AUNTIE

Dominican Republic.   We are literally on a plantation.  In our search for las gentes de las isla, I have had to use the worst Spanish ever.  I'm surprised at how much I know and don't know.  It's foul.  And yet folks still think it's muy bueno.  I dunno, maybe their English is just that bad.  Thing is....I'm in slight turmoil.  Sure I'm the new dominican hottie on the spot for now....but I don't know what I want to do.  It's not 2010.  This is not the last whorerah....and yet my new rotation gave me nada prior to my departure.  It's stuck in my head and I can't quite get over it....so what to do?  Tina 2007 would have fucked half the island by now.  Tina 2012 is simply bored.  Though I did have us travel to a for real local spot (35 minutes away from this crap ass plantation) and I still liked no one but the girls.  and I thought being gay was illegal here....HA...bitches was on the stroll....but as I always say ....have strap on will travel....but no strap on....too much humiliation through customs.  So alas.....what or shall I say who to do? Lifeguard? bartender? chauffeur? These are my choices huh?  I gotta rent a car....

GIANT BUGS

The bugs are driving me nuts.  My whole arm is eaten up. I forgot the Skin So Soft and we don't even have any off. I'm in a large villa.  Wonderful spot...NO NETS.  I mean this is the Caribbean....no?  Like they are beside themselves with the no nets thing.  We are surrounded by trees and salamanders and frogs and shit and no fricking net over the bed?  It's also too hot to wrap yourself up like a mummy which is what I'm going to do because my whole body is getting eaten up.  I think I'll go to sleep and wake up tomorrow....with bug killer....a new day.

BETTY

We wrapped last night.  I am so grateful to my girl for allowing me to  be apart of this project.  I've wanted to be a producer for as long as I knew there was such a thing.  It was recent.  Hell, I didn't even know what a tour manager did...not really, until I was thrown into it.  And now I know that there's a job where you can tell people what to do and make a big project happen and NOT go on the road?  I don't know.....I may have just found my 2nd life heaven.  I mean I produced and didn't even have to leave my house....not that that will happen all of the time, but it's nice.  I need to take a class just to be familiar.  There was so much to learn on set and I still have so much more to go.  I should date a DP....that's what I should do.  And then an audio dude.  Then maybe a production manager.  That's like a masters course.  I now know what needs to be done.....

Lance Reddick was amazing and kind and gentle.  I never even knew he smiled from the Wire and Fringe...turns out he does.  Jurnee Smollet is a big girl now.  WOW.  And she embodied her character and GAVE it...UP.  Seriously.  They both looked just like their characters.  And newcomer Tracey Dukes....wow.  I've been watching this process for two years now and am proud to say the kids got chops.  I can't wait to reveal this side of him as Jimi Hendrix.

My hairdresser Angie Crenshaw did the wigs.  Bomb.  My girl Tracie Rice from Good & Yummy threw down on the caterings....the love and support from all of our friends was overwhelming. 

This project was clearly out of love....so much love.  Wow.  I still have chills about it.  I love you Nicole Jefferson Asher!!!!!  WE finna ride this one til the wheels fall off!

POTUS

So we're doing this event to get our Pres another 4 years. They put us up in this hotel on Park Avenue. Full on secret service, bags checked prior to entry. No rooms ready yet, but they are kind. Escort me to the library for breakfast which is $22 for eggs and bacon. I'm sitting next to a couple...the woman's body knocks. She has o be 60. She used to be pretty. The ring on her finger costs more than my 2 houses combined I'm sure of it. She and her husband identify another couple. My couple man: "hi, do you remember me?" Lady: well....help me out. My couple man: we were on that cruise Lady: which cruise. Her husband then comes around the corner... Husband: heeeey, I remember you...on that cruise. Lady: was it Barcelona? My couple man: yes Barcelona! Lady: your body is a knock out! have you been on any cruises since then? My couple Lady: no, but we canceled one. Husband: do you remember how that boat wasn't Too impressive...like not up to par? My couple Man: I do. Husband: do you remember the name of it? My couple man: it's that one sitting on its side in the middle of the ocean. Husband: exactly! They all chortle. Who talks like that?! Where the hell am I? New York City. Park Avenue. The 60's. Ew.

CERTAIN BEHAVIOR

There is something about this cold thing.  It's freezing outside and yet it happens to have been one of the most beautiful days of my life.  I've never seen actual water frozen over.  I think I saw ice in the Schuylkill during my official Dundee Philly days.  But nothing like people walking on ice and ice skating.  So amazingly fresh.  I want to go.  I turned into a giddy school girl over that shit.  I wanna go tomorrow but Lou says the ice sounded like it was cracking when he stepped on it and it freaked him out.  That would be a dumb ass way to go.  My family would be like....wtf was she doing walking on water and shit.  Seriously?  So I walked on it.  And while it was exhillirating, it was still scary as fuck. I think this week I have been balls to the wall.  More aggressive than ever in exhibiting my needs.  And just as I thunk it...no one could hang.  It's an amazing lump in my stomach.  Not being understood.  Having too much power and not enough.  Having too much access and not enough anonymity....life it does crazy things indeed.  Sometimes I don't know which way I'm going.  I'm sure if I married some older jewish guy he could help guide me...but would I be truly happy.  I don't know.  Again...the more I know life and circumstances, the more I miss my dog, and that's just the truth.

ONE MO' GIN

My bus driver is a chain smoker.  I've been on the bus once this entire time.  Tomorrows the last bus ride.  We almost caught a train but the last one left at 11 somethin'.   That would have been bomb to travel overnight through Switzerland.  I wish there was some food though.  I'm hungry.  And I know good and damn well there is no where to stop.  Sigh.  I will go to sleep hungry.  No one needs to eat this late no way.  That damn Chris Dave is the truth.  Seriously.  He's so on and in the pocket.  Our rhythm section is hot.  "Another Life" is arranged so beautifully.  And Pino tears it up start to finish.  Sucks I only have 1 more show.    I swear after I rest a bit - as we are all on fumes - I'll actually write something.

ZURICH BOUND

I'm so damn sleepy I can't sleep.  I have this jam session this weekend, I have a film to produce, I gotta pay rent and I still have to wash band clothes tomorrow.  I think I'm the only person who works during a supposed "retirement".  Such a fake out.  I'm worse than Jordan.

So Peter - one of my favorite promoters in the world, tells me tonight that i'm late on my blog.  How dare he.  Nice to know he cares.  I looked up tonight and realized that there are some truly beautiful people here in Oslo.  My production coordinator dude should be a model.  Seriously.  I'm like, stop sagging those damn genes blondy and be who the world wants you to be! On my coffee table!  Cutey patootey.  ANd Jesus was even there.  rocking it.  All fine and built and knowing the words and shit.  People were making out everywhere, standing ovations, the sound was crisp and clean.  It was a great show. 

I learned today to slow my roll on the anger thing though.  I spiral and it lasts for 3 days and then fucks everything up.  I gotta check that shit.  Getting on my own nerves. 


Okay but seriously?  Lobby call in 4 hours.  I gotta at least get some zzzzzzz.

BRIXTON...BABY

I was watching from the VIP bar.  It's nerve wracking getting an artist on stage.  Completely.  You gotta come up with tricks.  Tight or rubber pants work well.  One of my favorites.  It's even more complicated to move the rest of the group once their motivation is lost....or dragging.  Oh the dragging...why so much dragging?  All I can say is stage fright is real.  And why shouldn't it be?  All of us managers, agents, wardrobe stylists, runners...we people who stand on the sidelines and coach or cheer...we're behind a curtain.  Our life isn't on display out for all of the world to see.  It's awful.  It's scary.  I have nothing but empathy particularly since my black ass ain't out there.  Oh I sing a great background from behind monitor world....but don't be fooled.

And yet...the action at Brixton did not let us down.  There were some bootlegger issues but those quickly subsided...oh, and the Rastafarian who walked across the stage in the middle of the Shit, Damn solos....but he got escorted out.  Thanks to my new security guard I had the chance to hire.  I love security guards.  It's the one time I can talk crazy shit without possibly getting punched.  It's a rush.

We have been dealing with some young promoters who pretty much accomplished a great deal and took a great risk and that's awesome.  They showed the big guys out.  AEG, LIVE NATION...all of them will be sniffing behind us.

But alas......a new night and a new day..... time for me to wash bandanas and wife beaters.  Did I mention I love my job?

 

Douchebags Anonymous

Dearest Douchebag Buster,

How does one decipher and breakdown a Douchebag?  ---

Douchebags are fairly easy to identify.  They usually have absolutely no affiliation with the group they are harboring and like to use fast talk to chime their way into the situation - i.e. backstage, breakfast, dressing rooms.  They come fully equipped with hot girls, usually with camera phones, some sort of quasi necklace/choker that went out with the term "MetroSexual", slightly ambiguously gay, and always have a penchant for knowing just about everything.  Oh and they chew gum a lot.
EVERYONE but EVERYONE is their "boy".  And they like to flash the dollars.  They point out specifics that only Douchebags would notice because they are always vying for a spot...anyones.  They play the Art of War pretty damn good with one exception.  They actually believe their hype.  They are habitual LIARS.  They believe they are smarter than everyone in the room.  This makes them treacherous.  As for the Douchebag in our group?  I'm coming for you.....

AMSTERDAM --- Vacay

Postponed show means....NIGHT OFF.
Unfortunately, I once again took on the role of Pied Fricken Piper.  Everyone gotta follow me all the gotdamn time.  Shit.  Taking me all off of my "Day Off" picture in my head.  First thing was we jumped onto the 5 tram....which is good because apparently there is only a conductor and you can ride on it for free.  THEN it all of a sudden turned into the Harvard Train and the Social Network.  We met these Frat guys who gave of a tour of the city as we walked towards the Red Light district.  Wasn't a problem since their Frat house was on the way.  I have no idea what Fraternity, only that they were going hard and dancing.
"This is how we mothafuckin' do, yo!"  They said....ha.
He showed us the Grand Palace, told us the history of the Dutch and how rich they were and who they owned.  I chimed in "like South Africa".....
"yes," he said, "that's when we had the slave trade"
"more than had, you started the motherfucker off" I quipped.
"Yes, but that was THEN.  I didn't know those people!"  -- he recovered right on time.  We had a laugh.  I've never had a discussion with the Dutch about the slave trade....interesting.

We said our goodbyes and continued through the Red Light District.  However, we quickly had to duck into a Sex show...mostly cuz it was cold as fuck. 

This one was newer than the last....Cossa Nossa or something like that.  They boasted of an enormous-dicked black man by the name of "Donkey".  This we HAD to see.

I think I explained before that the sec shows are ongoing with different acts.  My girl had never seen any of this so she was game.  My boy was bored and quickly went to sleep.  The 1st act was so very bad I almost fought the bouncers to get our money back.  Roxy said "oh fuck no, we ain't leaving til I see the Donkey".  Then "Donkey" comes out and they are seriously...onstage....going in...HARD....like, uncomfortably hard.  Like, maybe I don't want to see black folks fucking on stage.  Makes me think of circus freaks and shit and then I get all offended cuz we're in the Netherlands and then I'm over thinking as usual.  I mean we didn't LEAVE or anything like that....I was just thinking.

Niggas WAS in Paris

I’m late.  I pulled yet another all-nighter….flew into Amsterdam and now back into the production office where the stalker from Stockholm awaits.  Plus what can I tell you about Paris that you didn’t see on Youtube.  I hope Youtube doesn’t ruin the show for anyone.  I was too enamored of the medley.  It was the first time he’s done it.  During soundcheck/rehearsals he was fidgeting around and playing whatever.  We called out a few….like, D’Angelo request line?  Seriously?  Does this job get better?  I mean other than sweaty hugs and kisses when walking off stage. Pierre Sarkozy – son of the president -  came by, De La Soul was in the house, Stephen Hill, Chris Webber.  People are literally flying from all over to come see these shows….and ya know what?  It’s worth it.  Every step of it is organic.  The beauty of building anything–children, plants, relationships–is to watch it grow . Creating the show and watching it mold.  I’m sure theater actors understand this too.  You see it from conception, something on paper, something you brainstorm with your buddies or whatever…and ultimately something you dream about.  Then all cumbersome, grueling, sometimes expensive, all-encompassing acts of executing said project.   And you smile at the end.  For one second.  And then you pretty much believe you can do anything. His medley sent chills up my spine…literally.  He is so amazingly talented.   Who steps out for a decade and comes back knowing how to play the guitar…well?  He’s the shit.  That’s what he does and what he knows.  He performs. He gives his all. I love the camaraderie of managing a project with people.  The team effort of it.  The never-ending support.  It’s a system.  It makes me proud.  Pretty simple and wonderful. He’s a giver that one.  The audience gives and he gave right back….so much as to be closer to them than the stage. And now his foot hurts. Tomorrow is a new day.  New MEDLEY….new music…new butterflies….

Day 3 - Copenhagen - Ni$$as in Paris pt Une

I've come to enjoy writing my blog in the hotel lobby.  This one has an amazing piece of artwork in it.  I'm trying to get D down here so he can play this thing.  It's amazing.  If only we could have had THIS piano in Nashville 2000 - Loews Hotel lobby, Pinos birthday and D came downstairs and played "Sign O' The Times" cover to cover on piano with ?uestlove on drums - with an old fashioned glass.  I know Kelo has that footage somewhere.

But Alas we have no ?uesto and no Kelo...only this Euro trash DJ banging bizarre electro trance music in my head.   

The ride last night was from hell.  First it was freezing, then it was stifling, then we had to get on a fucking ferry...for 10 minutes.  And then we arrive to beautiful Copenhagen.

Wonderful rehearsal today...D worked the backgrounds to my utter delight and guess what...it worked.  Way to lead the band man!  We're still in search of HIS solo....which is exciting.  Just throw anything out there man....I can't tell you all of the songs we HAVENT done....but suffice to say I have my own playlist that I play in the hotel room.  Artless, Roxanne and I had a sing-a-long to them last night until the 2nd bus driver told us to shut our pie holes in German.  I don't speak German but I can pretty much tell what shut your pie hole means.

I wore my 3rd hat on the tour tonight as Wardrobe Maven.  2 shows and its time to wash some funky clothes...everyone else throws their stuff in the bag....I collect Mr. Archers.  I lay out his wife beaters and rosaries...his hats and hang up his jacket.  And when the show is over....I give him the clean clothes to wear.  And now I need the dirty ones.....
"D....gimme yo pants"
"Scuse me?"
"I need your pants.  Can I take your pants?"
"Oh you can take my pants........lemme get your pants"
"I'm wearing a skirt"

But I digress......

So while THEY take the Amistad I and II through 3 countries for 16 hours, I'm flying my ass to Paris....my 2nd home. I'm gonna happily wash all of the bands clothes.....and D's pants.

Some girls have all the luck.

And My Background Sang.....

Small slightly unknown fact about me....I have always wanted to be
A background singer. Started with Aretha Franklin.....possibly "Ain't no Way". I soon realized that no matter how hard I tried or studied "Ain't Know Way" I could sang. Oh in my head I sound good....I do runs and everything... But there's no way, sauf for a Bobby Brown Grammy appearance (and after several shots) could I truly do what the kids did tonight. They showed up. First world tour, first time out with D and they showed up. Our resident veteran Lady Kendra gave up the hair, the energy, the moves, the dancing....
Malcolm Little AKA "Red" gave I his all, headache and all. Jermaine better believe he was keeping up right next to Kendra and Tall Chocolate fine Rob was keeping them all in time. This is just the first show. I'm going to enjoy watching it  get better and better.

 I'm not ready to give any hints to the music yet....it's still evolving.
In a perfect world, what would you want to hear D play solo on the keyboards?

Get him to the Filadelfia

He's officially in the hotel.  I walked him in and everything.  Max....the resident soul writer has set up camp in the lobby in hopes of finishing his interview from 12 years ago and to get more from Alan Leeds.  This is shaping up to be amazing....
All with the exception of the crazy stalker that won't leave me alone. STALK-ER. Some would be hustler who thinks he's responsible for all of these shows with a penchant for chewing his teeth with their last two braces from 2001.  He's gross.  And I had to stop at least 4 of the band/crew members from popping his ass in the hotel lobby.  I have a butter knife and I'm not afraid to use it.  It's pretty weird how he's still allowed to be here and harass me.  I see how women get raped and/or murdered.  Guys pacify shit.  Like I heard 5 times "it's obvious dude has a little crush on you".  Seriously?  Can we simplify noodle brains intentions any more?  That type of thinking is why i'm sitting in the lobby with a butter knife....looking equally as crazy.   Next stop....sound check.

He Got on The Plane

Praise Jesus.  The block in my stomach is slowly unraveling.  I know once he gets on stage....once he finally makes it on the stage...he's gonna remember why he loved it all in the first place.  Since day 1 at rehearsals.....I've been hoping, praying for a spot on this tour.  Oh sure I've done the Peas, Nicki, Wayne....all for much more money...tis true...,but nothing has moved my soul quite like is 12 year sabbatical..,and any possible return , I wanted apart of the action.

Of course...as a minion, it's not easy to keep my mouth shut...I mean since i know everything and all....but I try...and hopefully is till have a friend in Alan Leeds after this.  Greatest tour manager I know and Mentor.  He's one of the originals here.

Pino Palladino...the other love of my life from a past life....is doing his thing...moisturizing loins everywhere with every slap of that bass.  Lou...choreographer....Mark Jenkins.,.the original "Untitled" body  sculptor, and Roxanne George....my girl....the hair stylist.....loving her like no other.

Some of my cohorts for years past - Martin Thomas as Production manager and lighting director.

Artless Poole, my brother and front of house sound engineer.

Kenny Nash - phillys own monitor engineer.

Sean Woods - who We know from Jill

And David Rule who has the best name next to Curtis Battles.

Then there's the newbies:

Chris Dave - Rick Rubins favorite drummer - sacrilegious I know.....

Ray Angry - our boy from the Roots who's subbing for Cleo Pookie Sample..,gotta love a nigga named Pookie.

Jesse Johnson, who's a beast but had another commitment so we have Jef Lee Johnson....killing it....

Sharkey on guitar who I'm waiting to bust out.  He's quiet and plays his position but I heard him do som Spanish guitar during rehearsal today...I know he can rock it.

We have our background vocals.....note that I was around with Anthony Hamilton and Shelby Johnson... So I expect a ton from these youngins.  Now I know they can sang....I know this...,but I'm a snobby high falootin bitch.....so we gon' see......I'm waiting to be impressed.  Yeah I said it.

Sweden....the Motherland

Im sure I've claimed this before, but yes, Scandinavia always shows and proves its original Caucusoidic White Men off. And not for nothin, out of the region I can confirm that this is where fine white people are from. Oh I get it. The Swedes get it in. And tis true....they are fine. In fact, yawl ain't seen a platinum blonde until you've seen a platinum blonde swede with red lipstick. Sheeeeeeeet. I told her. Her blonde was EVERYthing. And these fine ass tall tanned men? Come on now. It's going down in Stockholm.

Wanna Go?

Jan 26 Stockholm, Sweden Filadelphia Church
Jan 27 Copenhagen, Denmark Vega
Jan 29 Paris, France Le Zenith
Jan 30-31 Amsterdam, NL Paradiso
Feb 3 - 4 - London, UK Brixton Academy
Feb 6 - Oslo, Norway Sentrum Scene
Feb 7 - Zurich, Switzerland Palais Xtra
Feb 9 - Amsterdam, NL Paradiso
Feb 10 - Stockholm, Sweden Filadelphia Church 

SNORERS

I need to get past snoring. I am not a fan of the snorer. I cannot sleep. I slightly touch them, rock the bed, cough, etc. My mind wanders to if their throat is filled with phlegm, if they may choke on their own phlegm or should I bust out with the Heimlich maneuver

? And what about my sleeping? Should I just take ambien and conk out? What if I'm so passed out I miss the accidental hard-on swipe mid sleep and I'm too drowsy to catch it? I often sleep with my ipod in my ears but that's HELL of loud. Still no sleep. I need suggestions.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

SCRUBS

Happy New Year. I'm so late....So much has happened. So much learned. So much not. What I have found is that scrubs are the best thing on the planet. No, not deadbeat ass niggas from TLC songs...I mean body scrubs. My skin is one of my best qualities. So today was skin day. I ate an ample plate of salmon sashimi....very fatty. Omega 3. Wonder why THIS black don't crack? I'm a sushi fanatic and the fattier the salmon the better.
Then we get to the scrub action. If you can't go to a Korean Spa and get the black ass skin scrubbed to the meat....and I mean to the meat.

There are 2 scrubs that I'm in love with:
Tade Hammam Black Soap.

I found this soap for the first time in Ramatuelle, France. A small village built within the hills overlooking St. Tropez. It smells like....I'm not sure. It seems like you aren't supposed to like the smell but then you do. It's not granulated like sugar and salt scrubs, it's very soft. It leaves your skin to die for smooth. Mmmph. Love it. Oh...and I believe it's only sold in New London Pharmacy Chelsea in NYC. Online.
the bath mit is brilliant too. Also not abrasive and perfectly good. Also

The next is Pure Fiji Sugar Scrub. coconut. The ingredients in that you can probably cook with. There is no need for lotion after scrubbing yourself down. It's .....pure heaven in your bathtub/shower. This you can buy on


All of this is some supreme good loving for yourself. Let me know how it worked!